2. Lessons cont. - Steps to Assertion

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Registered: 03-26-2003
2. Lessons cont. - Steps to Assertion
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 3:22am


1. Clarify the situation and focus on the issue.
  • What do I want to accomplish?
  • What do I want from the person or situation?

    2. How will assertive behavior on my part help me accomplish my (or our) goal?

    3. What will I usually do to avoid asserting myself in this situation?

    4. What might be stopping me from asserting myself?

    Some Ways To Help

    1. One way to help us get started is to acknowledge that asserting ourselves is likely to cause anxiety. Admitting to the difficulty of the situation may be helpful.

    2. State your assertion with an "I" message. Take responsibility for the way you are feeling, what you believe and what you want. Being responsible for your own feelings avoids putting the other person on the defensive and enables them to listen to you.

    Instead of saying, "You are making me very angry", you could state, "I am very angry about (person's behavior). This also comes across as objecting to the person's particular action instead of the person him/herself.

    3. Pinpoint your specific feelings, what is causing those feelings and what changes you would like to see made.

    4. Don't feel that you have to respond assertively immediately. Give yourself a moment to think about how you want to respond and what you want to say. You may even want to sometimes say, "I'd like to think about that for a moment before I respond."

    ** SEE PART 3 - TO FOLLOW **

    3. Lessons cont. - Language of Assertion

  • "Ignoring the facts
    does not change the facts"