3. Lessons cont. - Language of Assertion

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Registered: 03-26-2003
3. Lessons cont. - Language of Assertion
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 3:19am

The Language of Assertion



1. "I" statements:


  • I think... I feel... I want...


    2. Statement of Personal Reference and Personal Meaning:


  • "this is the way I see it"
  • "This is how I feel"
  • "This is what it means to me"


    3. Statements of Request:


  • I want... I need... I would like...


    4. Statement of Offering Compromise:


  • ”I would like this...what would you like?”
  • ”I think...what do you think?”
  • ”What would be an acceptable compromise?”
  • ”Can we work this out...what time is agreeable to you?” >


    5. Asking for Time:


  • ”I’d like to discuss this in an hour.” (Taking time to think, knowing what you want to be different, thinking of a compromise, etc.)


    6. Asking for clarification instead of ASSUMING:


  • ”It looks like...is it?”
  • ”It appears as if...is that the case?”


    7. AVOID demanding and blaming statements:


  • You make me...

  • You think...
  • You should/shouldn’t...
  • It’s your fault...
  • Don’t you think...
  • If only you would


    Language Formula


    When ________(Describe behavior)______________

    I feel ________(State your feeling)______________

    Because ___(Concrete effect or consequence of your situation)_________

    I’d appreciate ____(When purpose is to request something)___



    - or -

    I appreciate it! _____(When communicating satisfaction)__________


    8. Allow your body posture to be as assertive as your words.


    Maintain good eye contact. Keep your shoulders erect and stance firm. Keep your voice at a level necessary to get your message across effectively. A very soft voice often increases the change of not feeling as if you have any right to say anything, while a very loud tone is often a sign of aggression. Body image is important in that even before we are feeling assertive, it can help us to begin to convey an assertive image and thus gain confidence.


    9. Avoid using apologies when they are not appropriate.

    Sometimes beginning with “I’m sorry but...” takes away from the effectiveness of our messages and gives the other person the impression we don’t feel we have a right to say what we are saying.




    ** SEE PART 4 - TO FOLLOW **

    4. Lessons cont. - More on Communication








  • "Ignoring the facts
    does not change the facts"