Boyfriend's Ex-Fiance Still Trying to Contact Him

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2013
Boyfriend's Ex-Fiance Still Trying to Contact Him
Tue, 04-30-2013 - 11:50pm

Hi All -

I have been exclusively dating a man for over a year now.  We met at work and developed a friendship.  We have a fun, loving, warm relationship and we do love each other.  I definitely see a marriage down the road.  Following is my issue that I need advice on:

He broke up with his (ex) fiance 2-1/2 years ago.  They did love each other, but she had psychological and alcohol issues that led to physically violent episodes.  He realized he didn't want to spend eternity like that and called off the wedding and the relationship.  She has, since the breakup, continued to sporadically email, text and call him.  He has not responded to her messages, other than before I was around, to tell her that the relationship is over.  However, I only know this information from snooping.  Part of me thinks I should feel guilty for snooping, but the other half of me doesn't.  I am divorced:  older and wiser and want to look out for myself to be sure that I am not made a fool of.  I know from snooping, also, that he has told people he is a one-woman man.  I have no reason not to trust him, other than being hurt that he hasn't erased her messages or blocked her number and email.

Part of me wants to discuss this with him because it bothers me.  Another part of me just says to trust him and enjoy our relationship.

Any advice is appreciated!


Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

  i understand your dilemma.  I myself have a no snooping policy.  I never trust. NEVER! All people are looking out for themselves if not then they have something wrong.  

 So the ex wants to contact him?  so what?  Confidence is very sexy.  Insecurity is not.  Insecurity ruins many budding relationships.  I myself believe in me.  I have had women whith whom I had relationship go on dates with friends who flew in.  My ex stayed with my Gf and I.  

  As far as the federal and state laws are concerned it is wise to be aware what can happen.  The government has been recording every phone conversation for well over a decade.  And they record all emails too.  Only if it is brought to their attention will they usually do anything.  Permission to use the computer is not permission to hack into his email.  Let me put it another way.  Permission to kiss you is not permission for sexual intercourse.  Ignorance is no excuse under the law(inane but true).  If you have not started to read the laws I strongly suggest you do so.  When people warn you pay attention. 


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

You are making a mountain out of a molehill!!!   Maybe he hasn't deleted her messages because he feels he has nothing to hide!  Maybe he hasn't blocked her because there are ways to get around blocking, and he doesn't want her to go psycho if she can't get thru to him.  Also, you don't understand why she would still contact him?  You never will understand because you're not an alcoholic psycho.  He's not responding to her.  You are not ready for a relationship if you are snooping in his PRIVATE emails when you have no earthly reason to do so!  Either forget the whole issue, or end the relationship, because you will keep finding things you don't like and that means there is no trust on your part.  Without trust, you have no relationship!