file on husband's desktop

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2012
file on husband's desktop
Wed, 11-21-2012 - 2:10pm

I don't want to snoop around on my husband's computer but there's a folder on it I noticed a few months ago titled photoz. just to let you know, he has no issue at all with me using his computer. I never clicked this folder out of respect for his privacy and to avoid turning into a snoop but I've been getting more curious about it.  I've seen or have gained an understanding of most of the stuff on his laptop, except this on particular thing. One time I asked him about the file and he seemed to get a little uneasy and just said, it's just some photos I took. but number one, he didn't offer to show them to me, and second, what I also find odd is that he doesn't store them where he stores all of his photos on his laptop (he keeps all of those very well organized according to date in another file). I feel like I need to click on it for peace of mind. he travels for work a lot and i know he has some female coworkers he seems to be friends with. I trust him and he's never done anything to break my trust but I also know that sometimes you just really don't know people. One would think if they were photos of or from other women or something sick he would hide it a lot better instead of leaving it out in the open for me to take a look at. The other day I felt like pointing to the folder and asking him point blank what's in that file. or just come clean and admit that every time I see it I want to take a look at it. I don't know what to do, if I should just take a look at it or what. 


Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 12-11-2012 - 4:30pm

  And if he says no?


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sun, 12-09-2012 - 6:06pm
What kind of agreement do you have about this kind of thing? If you've agreed nothing is off limits, then it should be okay if you DO look. But I think the guy would have to be a total IDIOT to leave something incriminating in a place so convenient for you to find it. Why the devil don't you just ASK him about it and get it over with? That's what I'd do (she says although she's not sure she's learned that much herself, lol). That way if there's nothing to hide, he SHOULD of course just show it to you. If he won't, another story entirely. But again, if it's sitting there where all you have to do it click on it and voila, instant access, maybe there really is nothing there to hide. ASK!!!!! We sit and wonder and worry when the honest thing is to just ask and get it over with.


Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Thu, 12-06-2012 - 5:22pm

You need to tell him that the presence of the folder is making you uneasy and that you're tempted to click on it and see what's in it--and would he show you right then and there what's in the folder. I don't understand why not communicating that, since they're your honest feelings, is such a big deal. If he's going to lie to you, then he's going to lie and there's nothing you can do about it, so quit avoiding saying something out of fear. Own your voice and speak up.That way, your approach is above reproach because you dealt with him honestly. That is the hill you can plant your flag on later.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2006
Thu, 12-06-2012 - 9:50am

If I were you (or, rather, if it were me :), I would tell him that while I trust him completely and respect his privacy, I am curious about what is in the file and ask him to either show you or give you permission to take a peek. As I see it, being upfront with him about your curiousity actually shows him that you DO trust him and that he can trust you, too. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2012
Thu, 12-06-2012 - 5:45am

thats how I feel too! if there is nothin to hide no need for lock-codes,passwords or anything else of that nature.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2012
Thu, 12-06-2012 - 5:42am
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2012
Wed, 11-28-2012 - 11:07pm

He seems to not mind you looking at his stuff, so rip the band aid off and look.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Tue, 11-27-2012 - 4:22pm

Not to overanalyze this to death but it would seem very strange if he put pictures he did not want you to see, right there in a folder on the desktop. Now since you asked him about it, and the folder is still there, there is the possibility that if it did in fact contain things he wanted to hide, he could have empited the folder and left the empty folder on the desktop. That way, it avoids the problem that if he deleted the whole folder suddenly, you might become suspicious and wonder why after you asked about it, did it disappear. Since you avoided looking in the folder, you have no idea if there were any files in there to start with. Not trying to create suspicions, just alternate scenarios.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 11-25-2012 - 3:40am

Good point ukgirl. The file most likely would have disappeared after she asked about it IF there was anything suspicious in there, and in my opinion it really would not be snooping since he left it out in the open when he knows she uses his computer. Point is there's something about that particular file that's peaking her curiosity and it's probably going to bother her until she looks at it. I think she should just look at it and get it over with for her own peace of mind and because any day now the file could suddenly disappear, then she'd really be paranoid about what WAS in there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2012
Sat, 11-24-2012 - 10:06pm

Maybe he's some sort of secret agent. Surprised j/k lol

Do you ever meddle in his stuff? You shouldn't, but if it isn't out of your way you should check it to see what's there.