Friend Requesting on FB...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2005
Friend Requesting on FB...
3
Sun, 07-07-2013 - 6:25pm

I have extreme jealousy issues and I guess it never got resolved simply because my belief is if a guy truly loves me, he will do anything to try to keep me happy, therefore if something that he is doing is making me unhappy, I figure why not just stop!? Anyway he gave me his Fb password so I could see everything hes doing on there and everything is pretty innocent except it still bothers me GREATLY when I see that he sent a new friend request to some random woman. He sends requests to men too but I dont care about the men of course. I have confronted him a few times before about this and his response is he wants to be able to request whomever he wants, to grow his friends list and to possibly network his future website (he still has not finished his website so he still doesn't have it up yet). Am I being unreasonable? Irrational? Is friend requesting random women to add to his list not a disrespectful or inappropriate action towards me and the relationship?

Any help, advice, comments would be appreciated. Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 07-08-2013 - 11:52am

Haven't you posted about this exact same issue before?  I'm not sure what kind of business he is in but do you think it's legit that he could be making contacts for his business?  Suppose he had a business website (or you could also have a business Facebook page) and it had a lot of women customers, would you be jealous of that?  Would you be jealous of women he comes in contact with for his work?  I can't really say who is wrong or who is right here--you do seem extremely jealous since you say that he's not communicating with them at all and they don't live in your area, so really what difference does it make that he has 500 women Facebook friends--is looking at their FB pictures much different than if he looked at pictures of cute models on the internet?  I mean, you are never going to eradicate every women from the face of the earth, so either you trust him or you don't.  and if you consider this unacceptable behavior and you've asked him to stop a few times and he won't, then if it's really that big a deal to you, then break up with him, because he's already basically told you that he's not going to change this behavior.  I don't see any point in having the same argument over & over.  You've stated your position on it & he's stated his--so you either accept the behavior or break up.  there are probably many men (or I'd guess most) who don't have women who are strangers as FB friends--but then how about all the cute women who they actually know who are FB friends--would you also ask every boyfriend to delete all his women friends?  I'd be a lot more worried about real life women then women who are only on Facebook.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
Mon, 07-08-2013 - 4:12pm

I agree with your bf that this is a non-issue. He gave you his FB password so you can see what he's doing on there. While I think that having a huge number of random "friends" on FB is a weird way to get business contacts, you've evidently researched them enough to know that these women are not real threats.

Your assertion that if he loves you he will do whatever it takes to make you happy is, IMO, doomed. He can do that to a certain point but then it becomes ridiculous. Because your jealousy and insecurity has nothing to do with him he can't ever resolve it. No matter what he does to show you that he loves you it will never be enough until you fully love yourself.

I find it interesting that you seem to just accept that you have extreme jealousy issues, like it was normal and fine, even though you admit that sometimes it causes you a lot of pain and problems. What are you doing to resolve it? If you had a physical disease or ailment wouldn't you go to the doctor for treatment and do what it takes to get better? My best advice to you is to work on the insecurity and jealousy with the help of a therapist.  When you have dealt with the insecurity these other issues will start to fade away.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Wed, 07-10-2013 - 12:48pm

I agree it is a bit of a ridiculous thing to say, that your BF should do anything and everything to make you happy. People can make unreasonable demands and requests of their SO and most people would say no I'm not going to do that.

Facebook is certainly a legitimate place to do business for many people and corporations so it is perfectly reasonable to use it as such a tool. Both men and women are consumers so you must appeal to both. If there is no communication with other women that could be construed as questionable, then I see no problem.