Help! Granny keeps interfering!
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|Tue, 04-16-2013 - 8:16pm|
I am a early fifties female that works in a beauty shop, for 5 years now. I met a younger male there 4 years ago that brings his 82 year old Grandmother to the shop. We became casual friends. He lives with his grandmother to help her out, and does her laundry, grocery shopping, takes her to the doctor, beauty shop, and picks up her prescriptons. I moved a few houses down from them last year, and not on purpose, as I did not know they lived there at the time. Over the past year, we have become really good friends. (That is all for we are for now, and maybe forever, which is fine). I enjoy his company more than just about anybody else I know, and I think he enjoys mine. We walk around the neighborhood, ride bikes, etc., and he works on my car, and when he gets sick I take him some medicine and check on him. Last October, he went with me to my storage facility to get some things, and then we go to a Halloween store to shop, then we planned on seeing a movie nearby. Mind you, I work full time, and clean houses on the side as a 2nd job. He works full time and also has a 2nd job, so time together, especially going out like that, is rare and special. In this particular month, it is the ONLY day we have off together. Gran calls him while we are Halloween shopping, and says that she is hungry, and he HAS to stop and come home and go get her something to eat. Mind you, we were all the way in a different county, in MY car. I said, dosen't she have anything at home that she can eat just for this one night? He said no. So we leave. When we get to their house, I made it a point to look in their fridge, and there is 12 frozen dinners, as well as cans of soup on the table. We never did see the movie. I kept my mouth shut. In November, he worked on my car till late, and got home close to midnight. The next day, he tells me Gran now has him under a microscope and he can't come in my house for a while. On Christmas Eve, he brings Gran to the beauty shop to get her hair done. We are very busy that day, and after he puts Gran in the car to leave, he comes back in and we go in the back so that I can hug him and wish him a Merry Christmas in private, which takes about 3 minutes. When we walk back to the front, Gran has gotten back OUT of his car, and is yelling, where is he? So I just stay away from him for a few months, out of frustration. We recently started hanging out again. I was walking in the neighborhood 2 weeks ago, and he came by in his car, and I asked him to give me a quick ride to a friend's house while he went to the grocery store. (It was on the way). My friend said that if he put together her treadmill one day soon, she would take all 3 of us out to eat. When he came by to pick me up, Gran told him on his cell phone that he couldn't come in and talk to my friend for 5 minutes because her takeout food would get cold. Yesterday, I asked him if he would ride with me to a department store, and help me pick out my boss's husband a couple of things for his birthday, and then I would take us out to dinner. He said he had to run get Gran something to eat first. I said ok, and patiently waited, even though that made us really late leaving. We were at the restaraunt enjoying ourselves, and Gran called and said that we had to leave NOW and go to the drugstore to get her nerve pills, before the pharmacy closed. I said, can't it wait till the morning, and he said, she hasn't had her nerve pill yet today. So we stop and race to the drugstore, night ruined. Several times he has asked me over the past year to go check on her while he is working. When I do, she complains about how little money she has, even though she has volunteered that her house is paid for, she owns a lot of property in a nearby state, and she gets 2 nice checks, one from her late husband's pension. I am poor, too, but think that it is tacky and boring to talk about that. Then she tells me private things about him, like how much he owes, the last time he had sex, (3 years ago), and that he has blood in his stool. So I stop visiting herwhen he is gone. Then 2 months ago he asks me to check on her, as there was a death in the family 10 days ago and she is depressed. I take her flowers, candy, etc.. and I am there no more than 10 minutes when she starts up with the private stuff again. I stand up and say, sweetly, Honey, I am so sorry for your loss, but I feel that this is inappropriate for us to talk about, and I left. He told me 3 weeks later that she want to know why I never come by and see her anymore. I finally tell him that she tells me private stuff and it makes me uncomfortable. He says nothing. My friend says Gran talks bad about him to make sure that I am not romantically interested in him, cause she is afraid of losing him doing her bidding. I definitely do not want him to stop helping her. I just think she is not being considerate, and being controllilng and not letting him have a life. I have tried to talk to him about it but nothing has changed. Is it too much to ask for for us to have 1 or 2 days a month where we hang out and she leaves us alone? My family lives close by and I love them but we do not interfere in each other's daily lives. I am so frustrated. Am I going to have to give this wonderful friendship up, or what actions can I take without looking like the bad guy? I took care of my mother when she lived close by, and I know from experience that you have to set limits, especially if you work full time, or they will expect way too much and not let you have a life. Please help. We have fun together, get along and laugh, and I do have other friends, but he and I get along exceptionally well.