I Can't Stop!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2013
I Can't Stop!!!
Tue, 08-20-2013 - 8:51am

 I am obsessed with finding out that my boyfriend is doing things behind my back. Let me explain, we have been living together for a year and a half. He spends all his free time at home with me and our kids, he never goes out. But I have it in my head that he is doing this while at work. He does heating and air maintenace for factories and other businesses so he is all over the place and I seem to have convinced myself that he gets a high out of getting away with doing things even though I have no evidence. Obviously he has tons of non saved numbers in his phone b/c his cell is his work phone. I have never found any weird text or emails. He even put GPS on his phone to ease my mind ,but for some reason Im convinced he is playing games with me and gets off on the high. I know my past comes into play because I have been betrayed many times before, not by cheating but just in general so I don't trust anyone fully. I just dont know what to do, I make myself physically ill and I have anxiety/panic attacks everyday that he is not with me. I know it sounds like I'm crazy and I definitely feel that way sometimes, but it's like once my brain goes on this mission it doesn't stop and I get so worked up about it. I just want to be able to go one day without feeling that this man who treats me like princess really does love me and is not just trying to see what he can get away with. Please don't tell me to seek therapy that is a process I'm already working on. I just can't take this anxiety and knots in my stomach all the time over things that arent even there! Please anyone who has been or going through this or any advice would be greatly appreciated! Help!!Cry

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
Tue, 08-20-2013 - 12:22pm

"Please don't tell me to seek therapy that is a process I'm already working on."

What does the therapist suggest?

You could try to treat the anxiety symptoms apart from from the obsession issues, by getting anti-anxiety medication. But obviously you need to get at the cause of the obsession and hopefully the anxiety and its symptoms will go away when you deal with the root cause.

Besides advice like try to distract yourself when you find yourself thinking the jealous thoughts, I don't know that there's much that a lay person can tell you. It sounds like a psychological disorder that requires professional help. Good thing that your bf seems to be sympathetic and patient.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Tue, 08-20-2013 - 1:16pm

Sorry you are struggling like this.  The good part is you are already moving forward to get help.  The past can tint future relationships, even when we have no reason to think otherwise. 

Don't beat yourself up.  Your experience is your experience.  So it takes time for a new person to "prove" to us otherwise. 

Here is one thought that may help.  Is there any reason for him to not trust you?  Probably not.  Do you secretly meet people when you are not with your BF?  Are you secretly making phone calls to other men while your BF is at work?  What if HE was questioning what you did while he was at work?  You have all day to do as you please, and your BF would ever know.

Point being, if your BF can be okay, and not get anxious, wondering what you are doing all day while he is at work, is there any reason you can't do the same?  Why are you anxious and he isn't? 

Enjoy the time while your BF is at work.  He trusts you, honor him in the same way.  You are missing out in the present while you are worring yourself litterally sick.

Move forward with the T and if they suggest medication, I hope you are open to giving it a try.  But like the OP said, ultimately you will want to get to the root of all of this. 

Hang in there....

Serenity CL making a second marriage work