snooping

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2013
snooping
3
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 6:52pm

we met on and I'm not there anymore but I went to check somomatically and he was trying to get the number to have his profile remove and h

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 01-24-2013 - 8:45pm

I can't imagine why you think you would have the right to get mad at a guy for asking another girl out when you had no agreement to be exclusive (and still don't).  There are some people who will not have sex with someone until they have the agreement to be exclusive.  I would think at 4 months if you have been seeing each other pretty often, it would be time to have that talk.  And getting mad at someone for something he did 2 months ago, when you had basically just started dating is really nutty.  You saw that she didn't answer him either.  I think in the future instead of spying on someone, if you want to know where you stand with him, what about asking him?  You will be very lucky if he even talks to you again, because if someone did to me what you did to him, that would be the end of it.  Do you always go around snooping on people who have given you no reason to do so? I agree that you have a problem that has to be dealt with.

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Thu, 01-24-2013 - 6:39am

michirukim wrote:
Well, we met on match.com and I'm not there anymore but I went to check something on match the other day

What is it that you "went to check"? Forgive me for being suspicious but it seems to me that if YOU had a valid reason for "checking" something on match.com - why wouldn't he have the same valid reason? I suspect you went on there to check up on HIM - you even say that "the last time you checked on him", he hadn't logged in for more than 2 weeks.

Quote:
but things were good and I was/am pretty sure he hasn't been on any date since he met me.

Well maybe next time instead of being deceitful and snooping around and making assumptions, you should try talking to him about exclusivity and communicating to make sure you're on the same page.

Quote:
I believed him but I dunno what got into me but i hacked his match and facebook  and saw that he was telling the truth.

As mentioned, this is highly illegal. You don't know what got into you? Then you need to see a therapist. Whatever is driving you to the lengths of breaking the law and violating the privacy of someone who has done nothing wrong is something you need to get to the bottom of so it doesn't continue to be a problem.

Quote:
He said he feels violated, that i snooped on him and that he trusted me.<br /><br /> What should I do?

Like I say, you should seek therapy to get to the bottom of your trust issues and you should let him know that whether you two continue your relationship or not, you will be getting therapy because you realize now how damaging your trust issues are to any relationship you will have in the future.

You should be grateful he is even still speaking to you - had someone hacked into any of my accounts for any reason, they would immediately cease to be a part of my life at all.

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 7:15pm

michirukim wrote:
<p>I've been dating this guy for almost 4 months now.. He is 40, I am 31. We have our share of conflicts but nothing major. Both of us are Aries and we are both true to the sign. We are both hot headed but things are good and the sex is awesome.<br /><br /> Well, we met on match.com and I'm not there anymore but I went to check something on match the other day (i haven't logged on since since a few weeks after we met and I saw he hasn't been online for more than 2 weeks the last time i checked on him, which was a good sign to me then) and saw he has been online within 24 hours that day!!! Of course I blew the roof and texted him. We haven't talked about being exclusive yet but things were good and I was/am pretty sure he hasn't been on any date since he met me. He called me and told me they billed him for another 3 months automatically and he was trying to get the number to have his profile remove and he would be happy to show me his visa bill.<br /><br /> I believed him but I dunno what got into me but i hacked his match and facebook  and saw that he was telling the truth. He hasnt written to anyone since October and he didn't even open the emails he got the last few months. The thing is, I noticed that he sent an email to a very good looking girl in November (on facebook) asking her for coffee. She didn't reply but when that email was sent, we were already sleeping together. Of course I was mad and sent him a text message telling him i know he asked a girl out in November and if he still intends to date other women, we should break up. He didn't reply to that text message at all but called me during his lunch hour saying that he wants to make it clear that he doesn't want to break up but he is not going to be held hostage to an email he sent in November when we were just getting to know each other. He said he hasn't been on a date with anyone since we met. We said a few words, we hung up mad.<br /><br /> So fast forward last night, we talked on the phone, i told him i want to talk to him in person and he seems really distant and cold, saying he's tired and that he will call me tonight. He won't commit to seeing me in person (we made plans on sunday to spend wednesday together) because he said he has a contractor coming. He said he feels violated, that i snooped on him and that he trusted me.<br /><br /> What should I do? I wrote an apology letter today, saying how sorry I am and that if he needs space, i will give it to him. He said he appreciates my email and he does need some time and asked me how i hacked his stuff. I answered but I know what I need to do now is leave him alone. I just feel so crappy though. I want to make things up with him. I care about him a lot =(</p>

The bolded above is called "Interception of a Communique in Transit" and it is a Federal Offense under the wiretapping statutes.  Meaning: should he decide to do so, he could have you prosecuted for that and he would win the case.  The information is stored on a remote server which can only be accessed by a password. If you are not the password's owner, then you are fraudlently accessing their servers  and instructing them to send the information to a computer that is not the account holder's property.  The only way that is different is if you two are married, the computer is in your home and there is no reasonable expectation of privacy on that computer.

Facebook clearly says that no one's to use another user's password to gain access to their accounts.

You will need to wait and find out whether or not he feels there is wisdom in pursuing anything further with you.  He has not declared exclusivity to you yet.

In the meantime, make an appointment with a therapist to work on your insecurity issues.