Visiting ex on Thanksgiving vacation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2008
Visiting ex on Thanksgiving vacation?
Wed, 11-07-2012 - 1:22am

Hello, everyone!

Recently, my SO asked me would I be ok if he went to visit his ex and her family while he is on vacation from work. He says they are real good friends only. I haven't met her due to the fact that she lives out of state.  He has told her about me. To say the least, I am shocked that this was even something for him to consider. I told him to go if he wants to. I felt if he was bold enough to ask me could he go, I should be bold enough to let him go. I did tell him that he knows how to act and if he mess up things are over for us. Would you let your SO visit an ex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Wed, 11-07-2012 - 1:36pm

Barring children together, I would only allow it if I went with my SO.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 4:48pm

Would you let your SO visit an ex?

I find your use of the word 'let' very interesting.   As a an adult, my patner does not require my permisson to do anything.   I would never consent to be in a relationship where the concept of 'obey' has any part.     

However, that doesn't necessarily mean that I'd be OK with the all choices my partner may make.   Indeed, if I found their choices unacceptable, I may well leave.

In your case, I'd be concerned not so much about the visiting as the 'real good friends' part.    While I'm not one who would refuse to speak to an ex and throw away photos, I'm not a believer in keeping a close friendship.    Especially if it was a friendship where feelings are still confided.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 11-09-2012 - 12:34pm

  I am with you Blue I do not believe in control.  Control is an illusion anyway. 


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sun, 11-11-2012 - 5:05pm
It's fine if they're all still good friends. But what about YOU? I'm also stunned that the simple solution to this wasn't HIS first thought: take you along. If you're in a committed relationship, it's a mistake for you to be being left behind, it sends a message to everyone involved. My question to him is why isn't he choosing to take you with him? This wouldn't fly with me at all, but then my DH wouldn't even consider doing this to begin with. You're his SO, enough said.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 11-15-2012 - 11:46pm
Do they have kids together? If not he's basically going to see her. Is he going to be staying with her? Personally it would not fly with me unless I was also invited along. Honestly, I'd be a bit suspicious of this arrangement.