was snooping and found stuff I did not want to find

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2013
was snooping and found stuff I did not want to find
7
Fri, 01-04-2013 - 9:26pm

ok so I was snoooping on my wife phone and found pictures she had taken and thought was deleted I am afraid she maybe sending them to another person because she has not sent them to me what should I do should I confront her about them or just seewhat phone may hold in the future ? any advise is good advise I am torn we have been together for many many years

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008

Does she normally always send you every pictures she takes? What kind of pictures are they that your so concerned about her sending them to someone else? Are they sexually explicit or something that would be cause for concern were she to send them to someone else?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2013

they were sexually explicit pictures and normally she sends the better  *not out of focus* pictures to me but shows me the rest that is my reason for concern because the pics are from like a week ago and I have not recieved one in almost a month from her

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005

I don't think the fact that she didn't send them to you automatically means she must have sent them to someone else. Maybe after she took them, she decided she was not in the mood to send them to you and then forgot about them. Or maybe she is saving them for a special date to send them to you - they were only taken a week ago, maybe she just took them a little in advance before she planned to send them to you.

Regardless, she is not obligated to show you every picture she takes of herself and presuming that she has sent them to someone else when you have zero evidence of that would be incredibly paranoid. I don't know what there is to "confront" her on when there is no evidence that she has done anything wrong. Has she ever given you reason not to trust her? If so, those are the things you need to discuss, not this. And if not, why are you snooping on her phone? Do you have a history of irrational suspicion?

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

  This is your punishment for snooping.  You had no reason to be in her phone.  Now you are going to have to suffer the consequences of your actions.   Just do not do it again.  This always happens.  Always there is something that upsets the other.  That is why the warnings against snooping.

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2012

Stop snooping and talk to your wife. It's possible she's sending them to other people. It's possible she just wasn't in the mood to send them to you when she took them. It's also possible she just wanted them for herself.

You'll never know unless you talk to her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008

Sorry, but I'm confused.  You snooped and found pictures you "thought were deleted"?  Meaning who supposedly had deleted them?  It sounds like you had snooped before and had seen them, otherwise why say you thought they'd been deleted already?  ?????  I'm no longer one to just sit and wait things out like I once was, nowdays it all gets talked about, no matter what it is.  Maybe she wasn't intending to send pictures to anyone and simply TOOK them, period.  I have little trouble with folks snooping, if I hadn't Lord knows what more would have happened, but you do have to be braced to find out some painful stuff if you do it.  From your post I don't necessarily see an issue, only one you may be imagining or are jumping to conclusions - why is that?  Or...is there more to the story? 

 

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012

IEX_n_TX wrote:
<p>ok so I was snoooping on my wife phone and found pictures she had taken and thought was deleted I am afraid she maybe sending them to another person because she has not sent them to me what should I do should I confront her about them or just seewhat phone may hold in the future ? any advise is good advise I am torn we have been together for many many years</p>

that is the price of snooping--you find what you don't want to see and you can't say anything now because you have to own the fact that you were being deceitful  Now the issue will be that and not the pictures on her phone, which you have absolutely no reason (at least you haven't added that yet to the tale to spin it in that direction) to doubt her fidelity.  Nice going. 

While you were on the phone, did you look through her text messages or her sent emails from that phone with the pictures attached?  That would have answered your false suspicions. Or maybe you're just one of those people who just doesn't trust and you look for things to justify being right about doing that.

Yes, you need to confess that you snooped on her phone... the last thing a marriage needs is more lies--and not telling her is you lying by omission that you did this behind her back.