17-Year Relationship. Only 31. Divorced.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2006
17-Year Relationship. Only 31. Divorced.
2
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 11:37pm

Hello, to all my fellow iVillage members.

My name is not KrisTinaCole, but it is a creatively thought-out combination of my first and middle name for a little privacy's sake. This is my very first posting, and I anticipate many more to come, as I need the support and advice from others who are in my similar situation; and I would love to be supportive of others seeking solace on this message board.

My Story - Part 1
Date: August 1989 to October 24, 2006
Ages: 14 to 31
Title: "Very Brief Overview from Day 1 to the Day the Divorce was Finalized."

I was 14; he was 16. I will call him "Mason" as I write all of my stories. I really took a liking to him immediately. We were high school sweethearts, and we were totally in love. On my 16th birthday, he gave me a promise ring with my birthstone. He kept that promise. In 1993, after almost four years of dating, we were married. I was 18; he was 20. How did our parents react? After four years, it was no surprise to anyone we would soon marry. My parents love him; his parents love me. When Mason got on one knee and asked me to marry him, it was my 18th birthday. I was surprised and overcome with emotion, and I said "yes," as you probably would have guessed. Mason's dad was so thrilled that day. He gave me a huge hug and told me he always wanted a daughter and he looked at me as the daughter he never had. By this time, our dads had become the best of friends, and Mason and my dad grew a very close bond that he doesn't even share with his own father. To this day, Mason and my dad are very close. My dad loves him like the son he never had.

We were married in July 1993. We stayed together for 13 years, never separating, until this year. We built our dream home and moved in on December 25, 2004. Wonderful Christmas gift, as you would imagine. Unfortunately, only a year and a half after our move-in day, we found ourselves wondering what happened. What happened to us as individuals and what happened to us as a married couple? In May, we separated. He stayed in the house we built, and I moved in with a close friend who is single with a six-year-old daughter.

In August, he filed for a divorce. On October 24, 2006, just this past Tuesday, the divorce was finalized.

I am now 31 years old with absolutely no idea who I am or what I want to do with my life. I know nothing other than Mason, and the same for him. We were young and both virgins when we met. We are now in our thirties, and it's as if we both have been thrown out into the real world for the first time to learn life lessons that most begin learning directly after graduating high school. Mason is much more independent, and I know he will be okay in that aspect. I do not blame anyone but myself, but I have to add that I went from my dad doing just about everything for me to Mason taking my dad's spot the day we married. I am irresponsible and very dependent, and this is one huge obstacle I will have to overcome. It almost seems impossible right now, but I know I will learn to depend on myself and be a much better person for it.

That is an extremely brief overview. As you can imagine, a 17-year relationship lasting from the ages of 14/16 to 31/33, there's a lot of stories to be told.

I will stop for now. My next story will be a fun story about how we met. Most people who hear the story laugh and are in disbelief, because they have never heard of such a chance encounter.

My objective for joining and participating in this message board regarding Surviving Divorce:

I realize no two members will have the exact same story, which makes this a wonderful place for us all to learn and grow from other's stories concerning their unique trials and tribulations, struggles and emotional chaos they may have endured leading up to the divorce, the divorce itself and the aftermath of the divorce. This is also an excellent resource for all of us newly divorced to receive encouragement and comfort from those who have made it through to the other side and discovered there is hope and there is a light -- a beautiful one at that -- at the end of the tunnel. That is my main reason for seeking this message board, but I hope it will become something much more.

My wish is that as I share my story, from beginning to each present passing day, I will grow and then have the strength and knowledge and confidence to help others who are where I am today as I write this first post.

Thank you to all who have read my first posting. I will continue my story soon...

KrisTinaCole

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sun, 10-29-2006 - 7:45am

Hi Kris,


Welcome to Surviving Divorce! We're glad you found us. We'll look for your posts and offer what advice we can. In the meantime, we'll wait for your specific questions and try to provide whatever support we can.


CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2006
Sun, 10-29-2006 - 12:41pm

Wisdomtooth...I may be alone in this, but could you use a larger font or different color? It's very hard for me to read. I may be alone in this as I have a neurological condition that sometimes affects my eyes..but it could just be a combination of the color and size.

Thanks for thinking about it.