19 month old and "daddy"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
19 month old and "daddy"
6
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 5:02pm

Hi guys,


As most of you know my XH left me while I was pregnant with our second child. She is now 19 months old and he has missed out on about half of her life. He disappears for a couple of months at a time here and there.


Anyway, I was wondering..... it seems like XH wants to take the kids when it is convenient for him ( his work schedule supposadly sucks so he has no time-- boohoo ) Sometimes she wants to go to him when he picks them up and sometimes she doesn't. Almost like she is scared. I know she will get used to it someday, but the schedule is so irratic that we just don't know when to count on him and how badly that hurts her "memory" of him.


I know LOTS of us on this board have young kids.... how do they react when they go with daddy? Does it get better? Is it damaging to "force" her to go?


I miss my kids so much when they go.... ugh.


Let me know what you guys think.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 11:11pm

I hate sending my almost 19 month old daughter off with her father as well. He wasn't ever around when we were married, and never showed any sign of affection to our daughter when he was home. I was and am the primary care giver of my little one.

When she goes over to his house, she seems happy enough. I think all they do is play when she's with him. He lives with his parents though, and she's usually pawned off on them so he can go out and run around (so I've been told). When night time comes though, she cries and wants to come home.

I can't stand being away from her either. I have to fill my time up with work and school, otherwise I'd go crazy (or so if feels).

Good luck to you!
Kait

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 1:24pm

My youngest turns two this month.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 2:00pm

Well, it's not good to force her to go when she's upset..... but, I would ask EX how quickly she recovers after they leave.... and what his thoughts are to try to help her be more comfortable.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 2:54pm

Thanks for your reply. I wish I could do shorter more frequent visits. I used to ask him to take them for nights during the week, like to dinner or something... but he won't.


hmmmmmmmmm.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 2:58pm

Hi karen,


Yep I have pictures of him in their room. Right now DS and DD share a room, I have 3 pictures in their room on the wall. It's a good idea to talk to them like that though, I will start that and see what happens.


I don't think X would tell me the truth if I asked how she is when they leave. He always makes things seem to be WAY better than they really are. My son tells me the real story sometimes a few days after he gets home "Bailee cried a lot" or something like that. I never ask, I don't want to put him in that position, but he does tell me sometimes.


I will try that picture/talking idea.


Thanks!


Hugs,


Angelena



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 4:43pm
HUGS to all of you with little ones that have to go!

R~

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