1st court update and overwhelmed (long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
1st court update and overwhelmed (long)
6
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 5:11pm

Hello friends. I'm sorry I haven't written in awhile. I took a couple weeks off from work (good thing too because I NEED IT).

Well, court was 8/7. I was scared to death! Couldn't look at STBX, he was strolling around with his cocky attitude!

Anyway, I have the court order that gives me sole possession of the house, I get $215 a week in child support and $150 in alimony (for 8 and 1/2 years), etc. I've got his truck for now (my car just got repossessed last Thursday).

I feel like I'm going to lose what's left of my mind. I crunched numbers and paying the mortgage now ($1,300), I still have approximately $500 at the end of the month (with child support, alimony, my pay).

But, I called him today to ask what time he was coming to pick up my son (he's taking him driving because my son goes in 2 weeks to get his license, keep in mind, this is probably the 3rd time he's taken my son out driving since he got his permit in March, yeah, it's that SUPERDAD he's pulling, YUCK, sickening). Anyway, he said he would be coming around 4 then he went into this whole MAJOR VERBAL ABUSE thing about me being a loser, a vindictive liar, etc. I don't know why I listened as long as I did but it was just terrible! He said he's turned the corner and every day realizes he's happy about our decision (ah, hello, I'm the one that filed for divorce AND he's the one that cheated on me)! How can he sit there and call me a loser and a liar? OMG!

I just had to share, I stopped into work for a couple things and he took the computer at home so I'm out of the loop.

Thanks for listening and PLEASE keep me in your positive thoughts. This is the HARDEST thing I have ever had to endure in my life and man, some days, I just don't know how I'm gonna make it through the day.

Hugs ~
Jennifer

Jennifer

Proud Mom of Travis (15) and Mandi (10)

and our pets, Sully the Dog and Till

Avatar for susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 5:30pm

Hang in there, Jennifer! You'll make it on your own. Your X sounds like a little boy who had his cookie taken away. So... next time he starts in with the verbal abuse, walk away, knowing that you're away from that insanity, and made the right decision for you. Or think (or say aloud, LOL), "I'm rubber, you're glue. What you say bounces off me and sticks to you".

HUGS

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 6:33pm

All in all, it sounds like you made out pretty well. Trust me, I thought I'd go down the tubes about two weeks after I moved out of the house, and it didn't happen. It won't happen to you, either.


As for his insane ramblings....I hear this kind or garbage from my ex ALL the time. I know it's awful!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 10:00am

Jennifer,

You are going to be fine. I promise. Please stick around for the support here. I can remember almost 2 years ago when I first logged in to this board... I was terrified, and thought I wasn't going to "survive". My divorce was final one month ago today... (HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ME) and I continue to get happier every day.

Please feel free to email me if you'd like. I also live in CT, and having been through the disasterous system, can understand... I am also a Paralegal, so I see it on a daily basis at work too. Please know that things get better, and you WILL SURVIVE!

Kerry

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 11:51pm

Jennifer, I'm sorry I haven't written you back. It has been one of those 2 weeks for me. You know the one where we're lucky to have made it through.

Anyway, it sounds like you did well in your preliminary hearing. I swear minus your son yours and my situation are very similar. If I didn't know better I'd say your husband and mine are one in the same. I know what you mean about not being able to stand looking at him in court. Isn't it weird to be in the same room with someone you shared your most cherished moments and now the one person who wants to bring you down. I still look at the situation around me and can't believe it has come to this. I am still holding on to what everyone has been saying that time will heal and that this well pass. Just wish it would pass a little faster.

I commend those people that have gotten through the same situation as ours. Being in the middle of the process it is so hard for me to think let alone believe that there will come a point in time when it won't hurt this bad. I'm having one of those nights where I am just plain sad. I know I'm doing the right thing divorcing my husband as he has become toxic to me and someone I don't know anymore (he's become pure evil and mean) but my heart still fills utterly sad. I would cry but I don't think I have anymore tears left. I guess we have to hold on to each other and try to believe that this too shall pass (straining to believe that right now though).

When will your divorce be final? Has the next court hearing been scheduled yet? How are you holding up overall?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 10:22am

Jennifer you have to break the habit of listening to him. You do not have to subject yourself to his abuse. Just hang up, you don't have to hang up the phone violently. Just quietly put it down and when he calls back let the answering machine get it. If he is stupid enough to swear and go on an on about you on an answering machine then you just have more ammunition against him for harrassment.

Please stop subjecting yourself to his abuse. PLEASE!!!! I had to change my phone number to an unlisted number because of my husband, he wasn't being abusive but just hearing his voice when he didn't need to be calling sent me upchucking dinner.

I know you have to be in touch because of the children but if he's going to be like that when you are on the phone. After you have made the plans for the child and if he starts being abusive just hang up, you aren't required to take it, you are divorcing him. Please stop taking this abuse.

He's angry because you aren't jumping to the bait. That makes them so mad. When I wasn't crying, begging him to come back to me and I was just calm, cool and collective he was so irate and just badmouthed me all over the place, despite the fact he was the loser having the affair. Just remember, he's the one with the low character and deep down he knows it but if he had to look in the mirror and admit it, it would be too much.

I'm glad the court went so well in your favor. Since the house is now in your possession can you legally change the locks so he can't just waltz in and act as though it's his home??? If so I'd get on that pronto and make sure the kids aren't leaving any keys lying around for him to copy.

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 9:32am

Hello Kerry. Thank you for the positive thoughts. Some days are just so overwhelming you think you're going crazy! And the verbal abuse from him only makes it worse, but as I am now learning, that is self-inflicted on my part, I DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE THAT ANYMORE! And I was talking to some friends that suggested also, if he pulls that garbage even if we are just trying to talk "kids", then I can tell my attorney and let the attorneys deal with the kid arrangements for now. It's just crazy sometimes and the worst part of it all, is I still don't understand how he can be trying to make me feel as if I was the one at fault.

And Happy Anniversary,1 year post divorce! Wow, that's wonderful! I can't wait till this nightmare is over. Though even with all the emotions flying, I still know, deep in my heart, this was the best decision I could have ever made for ME! Thank God I finally realized it before I was too old to enjoy my life.

Also, you mentioned you were a paralegal. In the next month or so, I'm going to have a number which will incluce our asset/debt split and the mortgage. I have to refinance because this 15 yr, $1300 a month mortgage is way too much for me. It's only temporary for now and I'll manage because I have to, but I'm going to need to refinance. I think you mentioned you knew some banks/etc. that dealt with bad credit? You can email me at jnfner6@yahoo.com anytime, I'd love to get going on the re-fi but until I have some final numbers, I can't do much. Do you think I'll be able to re-fi? I am so nervous about the whole financial thing, ugh.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far. I do appreciate everyones continued support. Right now, I know, there is no such thing as "too much support".

Hugs to all, and thanks again!
Jenn

Jennifer

Proud Mom of Travis (15) and Mandi (10)

and our pets, Sully the Dog and Till