1st New Year's Eve Alone
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1st New Year's Eve Alone
| Fri, 12-29-2006 - 3:52pm |
Hi everyone! I was referred over here by Steph from "Happy at Home". I'm on another support board too, but I know the IV gals are always really supportive!
Anyway, my situation is stbx (soon to be ex, for those who don't know) is a verbally abusive


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I'm so sorry you're going through this. I haven't been in your position, but I have behaved somewhat like your daughter back when my parents divorced. When my parents divorced I was very protective of my father. I was horrible to my mom in the process. I blamed her for leaving him, I actually went to go live with him at one point. What I didn't know was that my father had had multiple affairs when they were married and generally behaved so badly that he was damn lucky my mom stuck around as long as she did.
What I found as I got older was the truth about my father, and your daughter will too. I know it has to hurt like hell to have her treat you the way she is, but it may be partially because she is like me and is worried for her dad. The good news is that she will grow up and eventually see what a great mom you are. Especially for allowing her to be angry without telling her what a jerk her father really is.
I have no idea if this perspective is helpful, but I hope it makes you feel a little better. As far as New Year's Eve, why not let your daughter invite a friend or two to spend the night and you invite someone as well. You'll both have friends around and it'll make her less likely to want to be negative toward you.
If anything, just think that this year is your low point. Next year is sure to be better. Last year for me was the low. I was a mess, just having told the kids about the divorce and my ex leaving. I had two close friends come over and they basically stayed with me while I got drunk and vented about my ex.
This year is better. The same friends are coming over and, yes, there will be drinking, but no venting. Next year for you will be better. Hang in there and take care.
Thanks for the support and also the suggestion. I would LOVE to do that, but just having moved to this area, I have no close friends yet. As I said, I am able to vent with my relatives, but sometimes they get tired of hearing it too. That's why nice people such as yourself as online friends are helpful to me.
Amy
I am in the same situation I posted under male vs. female lawyers. I can't even write my story because I feel I will unravel. Just know it is similar to yours except I had a good income and made good investments. I injured my spine and am now partially disabled and can no longer work in the field I was trained for. My income is half and when I stopped working I discovered my husband was living "big" off me. He is a mean alcoholic and is making a claim on both my properties and all of my assets. I took in my elderly mother who gave me monies from the sale of her house and he is claiming half of that.
anyway...know U R not alone out there. I just keep the song "I will survive" playing in my head. I wish U the best..ann
Ask her daughter why she wants to be with dad, what made her happy with dad, what did dad do for her that makes her miss him so much?
You have to act with out feelings, you can't not be hurt by her answer, just act rational and have semi adult talk with her why she loves dad so much.
You have step outside your self
I swear I'm not trying to bug you to death, but I have another New Year's Eve suggestion since friends may not be an option. Maybe make it a special night out? Since you are new to the area maybe you and your daughter could go try out a restaurant that interests you both and let her pick a movie to go see. You'll be back by midnight, and you can see the ball drop, but without having spent endless lonely hours waiting for it. If your daughter has any friends in the area, maybe you could still see if she could invite one to go along.
I know how hard this season has to be for you. The first one is always the worst. I really just think that if you and your daughter are pretty much going to be alone for New Year's Eve that getting out may be a good idea since she's having some problems emotionally with all of this. It'll be a good distraction for you both.
GWEN! You're not even CLOSE to bugging me! Thanks-that was a good suggestion! I was thinking about taking her to see the zoo lights also. The last day is tomorrow-maybe we'll do that.
Hugs to you,
Amy
Wow, Ann. I'm really sorry to hear that! Hope you are feeling better soon. And if he works, make sure to try to get spousal support. Have you considered attending Al-Anon meetings? I find they help me quite a bit. If you want more info on that program, just let me know.
Hang in there too, and I hope you feel better soon!
Hugs,
Amy
Hi, and welcome!
I can totally relate to the feeling of not knowing what to do on New Year's eve. Last year, it was just me and DS that evening. I went to the party store, bought some silly hats and noisemakers, made some hors d'oeuvres that night, watched some goofy TV shows and played a few games. We also dressed our guinea pig up (since deceased...poor baby!!) and took pictures of her with a New Year's tiara and lei. Then, we watched the NY ball drop. It was simple and cheap...which is what we needed ;)
As for wanting to live with the other parent, I've gotten the "mean mom" speech before, too. It hurts horribly when you hear it, but in time, your DD will adjust. My DS went to counseling for a decent amount of time after the divorce, and it helped him so much.
Back to the New Year....I think it's easy to think about people running around, partying up a storm on New Year's Eve...but that's really not the case for everyone. There's nothing wrong with a low-key night at home :) Look forward to all of the new and positive changes you'll be making next year.
Whew! That was just what I needed to hear! Somebody else did it and survived! She wants to go see the lights tonight. If we do, then we will probably stay home tomorrow night. After all, there are a lot of crazy drivers out too. What a cute idea you had!
Yes-I think I have a lot to look forward to if I can get through my court date next week. Its just that when I think about NY Eve, it brings back all of those bad memories of him. I know I'm going to have to concentrate real hard not to let it overwhelm me. And at least I have people I can call if it does.
BTW-I have to know-just what is the picture on your avatar supposed to be? I can't make it out.
Thanks,
Amy
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