1st weekend without the kids
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| Fri, 03-11-2005 - 1:23pm |
This will be my first weekend since he moved out that I haven't had the kids at least part of it. I'm taking them to him this afternoon after school and he'll have them until 8 p.m. Sunday night. I worried about them. He's never really shown an interest in the kids until these last few weeks when he realized that I was serious and he was losing me. I think he's only showing the interest to try to show me he's changing. I'm not falling for it, but I want the kids to be able to spend time with him while he will. Maybe he'll get to know them and learn to be a good dad. I'm not getting my hopes up too much. I've been accused of trying to take the kids away from him. I've let him see them every time he has asked. It's not my fault he wasn't asking. So, he asked for them this weekend and I told him that it would be fine. His apartment is tiny and he doesn't even have beds for them. They are going to have to sleep in sleeping bags on the floor. I'm going to spend my weekend cleaning house and tomorrow I'm going to the court ordered parenting seminar.
I know I'm rambling. I feel like holding on to the kids for dear life and not letting them go with him.

The only way to know if he can be a good dad all on his own is to give him the chance. He may surprise you - but the surprise may not come for a few months. Expect things to not go perfectly and for him to make some mistakes - that is okay. It's hard when you haven't been actively parenting your own children, and then you suddenly start when they are older and already their own persons. There is a learning curve for any new parent, it's just that usually the learning happens when the first child is an infant and then gradually over time as they grow. For your STBX, it's might be a lot at first but unless he's got severe mental or emotional problems, he will eventually get it figured out.
My sister and I slept in sleeping bags when we used to visit my dad in the summers. It was fun. My dad was a pretty poor parent and we managed to turn out okay. We had a strong mother that was always there for us, but didn't hold onto us too tightly.
That first weekend is so hard. I think I cried the whole weekend...... lol.
I think maybe it might be best to not think of the how's and why's and maybe just look forward to their return. It is great that he is spending time with them and you will get used to the time alone. I used to FORCE myself to get out of the house. I would go to the mall, go to the grocery store.... anything I could do while I wasn't a "mom"...... It filled time and after I got used to it.... I started looking forward to it. Because my kids could get time with their dad and because I could get time for me. I devoted every waking moment to my kids.... I still do, but we need a break sometimes. We deserve a break. It's ok to let them go.... they will be ok.
Hugs to you and know that it DOES get better.... time. All you need is time.
Angelena