2 for 2 in backing out of his visitation
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| Fri, 06-02-2006 - 9:52pm |
stbx is now all moved out... he is supposed to have visitation w/ kids from Sunday at 9am to Tuesday at 6pm... last w/e he forfeited the kids all w/e because he didnt show up to get the kids, so I included them in my plans of going out-of-town.
Now today he calls me at 7pm to tell me that "he will pick the kids up at 9am on Sunday and return them at 6pm on Sunday." To which I reply " you mean Tuesday". "No Sunday, I'm going in the hospital on Monday." I never asked what he is talking about. He is probably having plastic surgery (long twisted story).
Now the kids are out of school as of today. I have made arrangements for them to be at friends or with relatives on my parenting days while I'm at work for the next week, but I did nothing about Monday or Tuesday as I assummed he was going to exercise his parenting time. I asked him if he had asked his parents to help him out yet? That immediatley fired him up that they are my children and I am responsible for them. Of, course I am!! But, to not give me resaonable notice and to assume that I do not have other plans is totally ridiculous!! I stayed calm explained that I had not made any arrangements for the kids those days and reminded him that the kids are now out of school and I work!!! DUH!!!
He called back a few hours later to say his parents would be bringing them back home on Tuesday.
I think I will shoot him a quick email that we have a parentign schedule that I am following. I am making plans for the childrens care and other personal plans based on that schedule. I can soemtimes be flexible off that schedule, but I will require proper notice from him in the future if we are going to make this work.
He has never been responsible for his children ever. I guess I gotta realize they just dont change when you divorce them.
He is soooooo frustrating.
Jan

I agree that a written reminder to let him know that you are willing to be flexible if he gives you notice, but ultimately, childcare during his parenting time is his responsibility.... just as it is for you when the kids are with you.
I am glad that he called his parents after you suggested he come up with something.... that says a little positive about him.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
"That immediatley fired him up that they are my children and I am responsible for them."
Ummmmm, no...they are BOTH of yours and you BOTH are responsible for them. I believe this was HIS visitation therefore HIS responsiblity to make alternate arrangements. When will men learn that being with their own children is NOT babysitting? It is parenting. Sorry, this stuff just burns me up. I hope you are able to get through to him.
Follow me to my partner in the siggy exchange....
I know!! When he said that I almost lost my temper, but I remained very calm. I said "If you are going to say things like that, then I can absoltuely turn it back on you. This is your scheduled parenting time, YOU need to make arrangments for what you are doing with the kids. First of all, TELLING me that you are bringing them back 2 days early without ASKING is starting this conversation off poorly." To which he replied "the judge hasnt signed this parenting time thing, yet". What does he think the children are jsut sitting on a shelf somewhere that we will get down AFTER the judge has signed a piece of paper?
I have to use this board and the advice here to train this situation from the beginning. So, that we do not develop bad habits as far as this parenting stuff goes. I do not want to be taken advantage of, nor do I want to be a complete control freak. I do think that at the beginning stages here, I need to set up certain boundaries and not allow them to be crossed. Otherwise he will try to walk all over me and never be able to see that it is not acceptable.
Thanks
Jan
I wish I could tell you it gets better, but you hit the nail on the head. They don't always magically become better parents when we divorce them. Hugs to you!
Mel
Absolutely! My ex likes to try to take on extra parenting time when he's bored. For example, he'll call at 8pm on a Friday night when his plans with his friends fall through and ask to have DS overnight....um, hello, the kid is going to bed in about an hour or so! I have told him repeatedly if he would like to make a schedule change, I need 24 hours notice....I also adhere to this rule.