2 change or not 2 change?
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2 change or not 2 change?
| Fri, 07-20-2007 - 3:19pm |
okay - the big question -
what are three things that you could do to improve your marriage?
do you know what they are - if you did, would you realistically be able to put them in place - have you? if so have they improved your relationship & marriage?
where is the fine line drawn b/w changing some habits & creating awareness for a better relationship/marriage - and simply accepting people for who they are & deciding whether it's something you can live w/or not?
hmmmm....food for thought anyone?
Thx.
Laurel

Hi Laurel...
I can speak about what *could have* improved my marriage :-)
We'd talk about ways to make the marriage stronger.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
thx for answering - and that is where i'm stuck & completely going to counseling for - as far as his complaints, what should/needs to change & what is realistic & what is not - and same for my end - but honestly, i'm not at a point where i expect alot from a relationship, such as i used to when i was younger - not sure if that is a good or bad thing - but i believe relationships are relationships - of course some of us need certain things more than others - however, when you can be perfectly happy on your own - what do you truly need from another person, other than to spend time & possibly a future together...not saying that sex, bills, kids & all the other stuff that seems to get in the way of core friendship/relationship, isn't important - but how important is it??!!
i've read books, i've read on the internet - and often you will find conflicting messages on what to do to improve or make a marriage work - one site i went on was buildingmarriages.com i believe - where they offer you a free read of chapter 1 in His Needs, Her Needs - sounded alot like the 5 languages of love - and many times i pondered these suggestions etc. and put forward more effort in those areas - whether he was just already "over it" or they really didn't make a difference for whatever other reason - i'm not sure, but it often left me still confused -
then you have "divorce busters" & smartmarriages.com which is sort of the opposite, yet still has truth in it as well - which offers the opinion of loving the one you're w/ - which honestly i tend to agree w/& side w/more - i know one thing, it definitely puts you more in control over your life & what you allow to stand in the way of your happiness...
i think the hugest problems that i face/faced (still on the damn fence w/that one) in my marriage were his ownership of the fact that he isn't perfect (maturity/ego/pride thing) -little to no compromise & unrealistic expectations...in my session today, my counselor noted that he seemed he was there to tattle tail & i had more ownership in the first session - many of my thoughts & feelings were completely validated - so it makes me feel alot better in knowing that i'm not completely off path w/all of this stuff - sooooo...he's got a private session w/her as well & i'm hoping the objective opinion is laid on the table & he can take a closer look at it - finding the balance b/w changing & accepting can be pretty difficult, however it's necessary to live in some type of peace - of course in the back of my mind, i would love to be able to find that peace w/in my marriage & not only by myself or w/in another relationship - but guess that's where the future has yet to unfold...hmmmm...
Laurel :)