2 months of nc why am i missing him.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
2 months of nc why am i missing him.....
10
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 4:52pm
What the heck is going on here. Lately Ive been thinking about my ex alot, even missing him a little. What is this about. I have surely done very well with the nc. So why now am I missing him. I mean I do still get the phone calls of someone just listening and then hanging up. I did catch him once in doing that. Could it be that subconsciously that's what my mind is thinking about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 6:12pm

You may be still grieving the loss of the relationship.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 7:11pm
Sweetie, of course you miss him, he was a huge part of your life, the father of your child. It's only natural. Like firstamendment said, greif comes in strange ways and often a person will go in and out of the stages of greif several times.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 9:08pm
I agree with spunx and first. Grief surprises us. Just wanted to ask whether you've tried to trace those calls. Does your area have that feature? If it's your ex, it's wrong and illegal for him to be doing this, and surely he isn't doing it for any good reason. It may be the only way he sees to keep a hook in you. If you believe he's the one, look into it. Take care and give it time. You will get through this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 8:13am

You took the words right out of my mouth ;)


I agree with this wholeheartedly.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 10:10am

You are sooooo right. I didnt think of it from that aspect. I surely dont miss the man that he IS. I guess I still cant believe that this IS who he really IS. The man I fell in love with and this man he is now are two completely different people. It's still hard to believe. Iam proud to say that I have successfully fought the urges Ive had lately to call him and for that that is a step forward.

Thanks to all of you guys.

Hugs and Kisses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 10:21am
Well, I'm fairly confident that I can speak for the others here when I say that we are very proud of you for not contacting him. You are very right, that is a HUGE step forward. Someone said on a talk show once (Dr. Phil, I think) that the person you marry and the person you divorce are NOT the same people.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 11:02am
I think you are AMAZING! It must take incredible strength to have maintained no contact. You are certainly entitled to have your days/weeks where you miss him and greive. Hopefully, the old saying, "Time heals all wounds," is true. I really admire your strenght...I think you have more than you realize.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 2:15pm

Absolutely you are missing the idea of him. It's hard to go from having him around to not having him in your life at all. The last time I spoke to my ex, he admitted to missing me and asked if he could call once in a while. At the time, I was too angry to say anything constructive and I think I may have added some expletives. But my answer was NO. As much as I missed being able to talk to him (we'd been together 13 years), I had to get past US as a concept. And talking to him would not help. I still slip and say "we" when I should say "I" but I am learning. What hurts now is when mutual friends ask me about him. I have to remind them that he is not part of my life and if they want to know, they should contact him. Of course, he cut off all ties to the mutual friends so they are dealing with their own grieving process.

Be strong. Many hugs!

Jenny

"Don't count the days, make the days count."

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-28-2005 - 12:15pm
I think she has a lot of strength too. Looking back I remember when I wish I had had no contact with H. I even asked him to leave me along for two weeks and he would not do that. Then the rollercoaster was in full gear. One time when i was feeling strong i fou d myself telling people , family that I would be better fi he did not call or if I did not see him when he saw the children. Now I feel like I want him to be in touch for some type of normal correspondence and to support my sanity with all the transition in my life.
Not so much to hold on to the past but to improve the future. But thats not working . So I find myself feeling emotional and weak . Does it make any sense? Is he not staying in touch because he is still playing games, has another focus or just all about him???
UGH!!
I don't know about time healing all wounds.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2004
Sun, 08-28-2005 - 1:28pm
I think as time goes on, it's easy for our memories to dispose of the bad stuff, and leave us with the good stuff. It's so much easier to remember the good time because subconsciously we choose to hang onto them, while the bad stuff we push out of our minds. You'll get through this. Just be strong.

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