26, venting, and wondering what's next
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| Tue, 04-19-2005 - 4:52pm |
I'm 26 years old and my husband filed for divorce on Monday, just 10 days shy of our 2nd anniversary, after telling me only 3 weeks ago he'd been unhappy for awhile. Guys have impeccable timing don't they? I knew we were having problems - we've been fighting for awhile, but I attributed most of it to us being newlyweds, him being laid off and uncomfortable with me paying the bills, and unfortunately, him being homesick, even if he was 27. Basically young, married couple stresses that were workable. Unfortunately while I was ready to fight for our marriage, he just wasn't. He wanted to go home to his family.
We came to an amicable agreeement last weekend over everything and I'm sort of in a tailspin since this is moving incredibly fast. We have no kids and really our house was our biggest asset. Since he is moving back home (thankfully 10 hours away), he's letting me keep the house which was a big relief for me.
I guess I'm just wondering where do I go from here? I'm 26 years old and going to be divorced! Although I'm absolutely not wanting to date any time soon and am planning on going to therapy or a support group of some sort, it just keeps popping into my head that no one would even want to date a 26-year old that has already been divorced. Does anyone else feel this way? Just wondering.

Hi
First of all, big hugs to you. I know its tough. I'm 27, my husband is 26 and a few months ago things just came to an end with our marriage. He also told me he was unhappy for a long time, which was obvious but I too was willing to fight for our marriage. We also had a house which we had to sell, as well we had to divide all our stuff up. It was really hard, and its still hard. Now only 3 months later since our "downfall" I have moved and bought my own condo and I'm dating someone who is wonderful to me. I didn't expect to be dating so quick but it happened and he has really helped me get through all this.
Hang in there, it will get better. Feel free to email me anytime: angusnzoey@yahoo.com
((hugs))
Jess
Hey there! Welcome to the boards!
Hugs to you for what you are going through.
I am 28 years old. I have been divorced since 1/18/05 and separated 2 weeks after my 27 birthday. It's been awhile but I can still see some of my own feelings in you.
I do have children. I had one son, 4, when my husband left he is 6 now. And I was 4 months pregnant with our daughter when he left. He had begun to show something was wrong probably a month before he left, but always said he was tired of work, work sucked, work this or that.... never, ever blamed it on me. We had just gotten married 2/14/03 and we planned and conceived our second child in 3/03 and by 7/31/03 he was gone. Just like that.
I later found out there was another "girl"...... would have been nice to know he was unhappy with me beforehand!
I also saw our problems before he left as fixable. I was willing to fight and did fight until just after my daughter was born when he told me about "her" and confessed she wasn't just a friend, actually Xmas night both OW and XH told me they were "in love".
I guess for me, when he left, I saw me as being 27 years old and with 2 kids.... who the hell would want me? I'm DIVORCED and "old" why would anyone want me? Everyone will think I am a failure so why would I be able to find anyone who would want to take a
"...that no one would even want to date a 26-year old that has already been divorced."
That's simply not true. SO many people are divorced these days, there really is not any stigma attached to it anymore (unless you've been divorced 3 or more times). I wouldn't worry about being less "marketable"...
Hi Mdeimling!
I wanted to start tell you that you are very brave. Going through a divorce is not easy. I was also married at a young age, nineteen to be exact. We were married because I was pregnant. After we had our son, things just fell apart. We were fighting all the time and I wasn't happy. We moved, we tried couples therapy and nothing worked. I finally came to terms that there was nothing we could do. I decided that no one should be unhappy all the time. Life is too short, and I am way too young. My ex and I have been divorced for a year and seperated for a year and I couldn't be happier! I thought at first that things would be tough. Who wants to be with a twenty-one (at the time) divorced mother? Dating was hard for me. But after two years of being happy and free to do what I want, I found the perfect man. He is smart, funny, loving and cares about me and my son. Things will be tough and you will find yourself crying over your ex-husband and that is ok. Cry as much as you want! It helped me feel much better after I let it all come out. When that is done, you smile, hold you head up high and face the world. You can do it. I did, and I am still alive.
Hope all goes well and good luck to you!
God Bless,
Ginger_gal05
I can empathize with you...
I am 24, I have been married about 3 years, and recently separated from my husband (27 but acts like he is 12). We have a 3 year old daughter. My husband also has little interest in working out our problems.
I know there are not many divorced 20-somethings around, but we are out there. I, like you, have no desire to start dating ANY time soon, but I do understand your "concerns." To my surprise, those few divorced 20-somethings that I do know don't seem to have any problems getting a date! I suppose anyone who would be worth your time is going to be mature enough to realize that these things happen, and love you despite the fact that you made a "mistake."
Consider yourself lucky that you were able to reach an agreement about the division of your assets. And go you for getting the house!
For now, take comfort with your friends and family; let them remind you what a wonderful person you are and that you will get through this.