3 kids and nowhere to go

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2006
3 kids and nowhere to go
Sat, 07-23-2011 - 10:31am

I want to leave my husband. I'm not sure if its the right thing to do, if I'm going to regret it, or how this is going to affect my children.

We've been married for 7 years and every year is worse than the last. He's jealous, controlling, unsupportive and abusive.

He doesn't help much with the kids, makes me feel guilty for working part time (I started my own business), makes me feel guilty for wanting to spend time with my friends, go to the gym..etc.

The thing is, I don't really have anywhere to go and he refuses to leave. We have 3 small children and since my income is only part time, I would need to quit what I'm doing and try to find a full time job. He's making things really difficult because he won't leave our house so I have to pack up the kids and find somewhere to stay. I don't have any family around and my best friend just had a baby so I literally have no place to go right now!! He also says that he'll quit his job and leave the country so that I don't get a dime out of him.

Has anyone ever been in this situation before?? How do I make a plan to leave???

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Sat, 07-23-2011 - 10:47am


Hi. My best advice is get in touch with the people at the National Domestic Violence Hotline:

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2011
Sun, 07-24-2011 - 9:52am

you sound like me to a tee one year ago. My STBX was all of those things. I had opened a new business in June, and was working f/t to support it. He was unemployed. I left the home after the last violent situation. He never actually struck me, but he intimidated me, and would swing at me to back me into a corner. After doing this in front of the kids, while drunk I started looking for a rental place because he wouldn't leave the marital home. I also have no family here in Fl.

My biggest mistakes were that I left the home which we had no mortgage. I did that to be cordial because he wasnt working. To allow im a rent free home until he got a job. He did get a job, but has contirbuted to me not one single penny. He changed the locks the day I left, and closed all the bank accounts. He has possession of all of my things, including both paid for vehicles, and all of the kids things too. I don't have their birth certificates, bank info or anything. He filed first te day after I moved out. I had no idea, I thought we were just seperating. I was served at my business a month later. In his petition he asked for everything. 100% custody, and me pay all his expenses for the rest of my life. No joke. This is whats in writing.

With no access to money I got a business credit card & hired an attorney. Now, 1 yr later he is still in the home. I am 25K in business debt, and 15K in personal debt. He hasn't paid anything. I lost my full time job in Oct and have been surviving on borrowed money and the little bit my business takes in. He has drawn out this divorce by not answering court orders. He has not submitted any financial info because he makes more than me. He was ordered on May 3rd to pay me immediatly $5000 by May6th and he never did. He still has all of my stuff. He told the kids he will buy me out of the home, but has not presented one shred of evidence to be able to. Eben after being ordered. We went to a 3 hr court orderded mediation last week in which he refused every thing that was suggested. He owes me back child support of $412 per month since he files. We have 4 kids. He also owes me 1/2 rental expense because he tok the marital home off the market preventing me from getting half my assett. Grand total of $9700.00 In back pay. I have no confidence I will see any of this, because despite filing contempts of courts nothing seems to be enforced here. And on top of all this, what he's doing to the kids is even worse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sun, 07-24-2011 - 4:13pm


sometimes when I read these stories I feel like my ex was Mother Theresa..I left home back in 2005 because of verbally abusive spouse..We got divorced but at one point I went back to the marital home because my lawyer told me to in order to wait for a divorce and settlement. I wasnt sure if that was the right advice but I did it.

I waited him out and I could have been hurt or whatever by him but I risked my life for the marital assets.. I dont recommend it but that is what I did as I only have part time income and no career and nothing to fall back on.

I was also told that my ex didnt have to leave the house. It was his house and the laws ( I am in NY by the way suck here also)were that because it was my ex'es house. He bought it and paid for it I was either to live with him and just co exist or move out.

Later when I got the settlement and all was done I moved out.. My name came off of the deed and he owns the house now outright.

Do you think its the laws that suck or the State or the lawyers that suck.

I once had a court examiner say to me.. Go home and endure the abuse because your husband (now ex) is paying the bills and you have no say in anything.

oh; Is there anyway you can have your ex evicted from the house???