4-way conference at lawyer's today

Avatar for susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
4-way conference at lawyer's today
11
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 9:47pm

Today, STBX, his lawyer, my lawyer and I had a 4-way meeting at STBX's lawyer's office. It went very well, although STBX's lawyer was getting pretty hot under the collar when the GAL report came up. I'll get to that in a bit...

STBX was EXTREMELY subdued... his hair looked strange, as if he'd dyed it. It definitely looked darker-- one-dimensional... no hints of grey on the sides. He didn't say much at all.

The lawyers discussed the division of the house and business. What will happen is that I will get the proceeds (after the mortgage is paid off) of the sale of the house. STBX will get the SUV that I've been driving since 1997 (OK with me-- it gets about 10 mpg ona good day, and needs exhaust work, A/C work, brakes, etc...) I'll get something more economical after the house is sold.

As for STBX not giving DS his meds-- HIS lawyer reamed him out on that. His lawyer asked me my thoughts on the issue. I'd told him about how I didn't like DS being on meds, but with all DS's mental health advocates being on the same page about the meds, and since it is a LOW dose of meds, the benefits to DS far outweigh any risk to him. I told him I myself don't like to take meds, and it was with great reluctance that DS was put on meds, but that it helps him greatly. I told him that DS's mental health counselors had observed DS without meds, and that they believed that the meds were beneficial to him.... that DS's counselor said that the type of issues DS has are far bigger than just not being able to concentrate on his math or reading, but that he has impulse control issues, and that NOW is the time for him to LEARN consequences, and try to get him on the right track, with the hope that someday he will be able to go off the meds. At that point he told STBX-- "Keep him on the meds."

On the subject of meds... STBX or his attorney brought up that I "use" prescription meds. I recently had a bout of severe insomnia (about 2 hours of sleep a night for 4 nights), and that my MD prescribed a med to help me sleep. It was an SSRI, or anti-depressant. Evidently, boosting serotonin levels in the brain will assist in sleep. Anyway, my MD gave me a sample to try. I did as she instructed, taking only 1/2 a pill. It gave me severe headaches, and my MD prescribed another med. As I hadn't slept at all, and was concerened about the safe operation of my car while I had been so sleep-deprived, I asked STBX if he could pick up the new script for me. He readily agreed to (Hmmm, I wonder why...?), as he was going to be in the area of the pharmacy. Anyway, I learned that it would interact with an OTC supplement that I was taking, so I didn't take the script. Today, STBX whipped out a piece of paper which had the name of the med, and made a big show of saying "You are on prescription meds!" We discussed this and I explained why I didn't take the med, and then I said to STBX-- "Is THIS what you meant by your comment of 'stabbing in the back' yesterday?" He looked at me all innocently, and said, "what do you mean? I would NEVER say that." BS-- he said it to me twice yesterday (see my post about "Pass.-Aggr. comments from STBX" for details)!

OK, to get to the GAL report. Both lawyers were arguing the finer points of the GAL's recommendation. The report states: "...if both parties continued to live in R_______ that they have shared physical custody of DS.... If however, it is determined that shared physical custody is not feasible, than it would be recommended for mother to have primary physical custody of DS with a liberal parenting schedule for father." STBX and his attorney take it to mean that even though DS and are moving 60 miles away, on an isolated peninsula (Cape Cod), he and I will share physical custody of DS, and no child support will be ordered. I would have DS on the schooldays, and STBX would have him on the weekends.

My attorney and I believe that it is impossible to have shared PHYSICAL custody, and all that entails if I am 60 miles away. To us, the shared physical means STBX and I BOTH assist in DS's doctor appointments, dentist, counseling... what is he supposed to do, drive 60 miles to take DS to the dentist? How can he have shared if he only has him weekends? The doctor's office is closed on the weekend. What we suggested is That yes, I have DS on the weekdays, but STBX has him on weekends, but with child support.

What was agreed to was that STBX pays $125 a week CS, and gets DS for weekends, plus 4 weeks a year visitation, and alternate holidays. All this is after both lawyers have a 3-way conference call with the GAL, to ask her what she meant by "physical custody". My lawyer said that STBX and his lawyer are just arguing at this point. The operative words in the report are "...if both parties continued to live in R_______..." and "...if that if not feasible".

The other issue was the credit card bills. I guess STBX isn't responsible for his cell phone bill ($1400), since it ocurred AFTER he moved out (GRRRRR!!!), and he's only responsible for 1/2 of the marital CC bills at the time the divorce was file a year ago... pre-house improvements... almost 20K in CC bills at this point. I fully expected that thsi would come out of the final settlement, so it wasn't too disappointing.

All in all, it seems to have gone quite well. I have to figure out how much was on the CC bills at the point STBX moved out last year, and submit a new financial statement to the court by our next court date on the 28th.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 10:48pm

Well, that all sounds like progress... and pretty much what you'd hoped for and expected.


Thanks for the update!

Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

Avatar for susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 11:29am

UPDATE:

My lawyer called me this morning. I'd been tossing and turning all night, when something ocurred to me in the wee hours. Last year, STBX told me that 65K remained on the mortgage on the house. YESTERDAY, at the meeting, he said that 110K remained on the mortgage. I told my lawyer about this, and she is checking into it.

In the meantime, I was going through some old folders, and I found some mortgage info (seems STBX never gave an accurate discolsure of the mortgages and whatnot). In the folders, there were letters-- ADDRESSED TO ME!-- that were sent to my In-laws mailing address. This is from 1992-- I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS UP WITH THAT!! There are 3 and 4 different mortgage companies, and the letter that was sent to IL's-- I have not seen the name of that bank before. I'm familiar with it as a bank, but I don't recall it being a bank that we've ever used.

The ODD thing is, is that we bought our house in May 1990, with a 25K inheritance I got from my mother/grandmother that we used as a downpayment. STBX and MY name are on that info. However, there are documents there from 1991 with my IL's names on them... why would it be so quickly after we'd bought the house?

I called my lawyer, and she wants to see all these documents. It looks like 2 big loans were taken out in 2002, with similar numbers, made to look like one loan. I have NO idea what all this means.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 5:19pm

Now that is fishy!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

Avatar for susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 7:37pm

Nope, no powers of attorney, LOL.

I dropped both folders at my lawyer's for her to look over. She wasn't in at the time... I think she'll find it interesting, though. I have absolutely NO idea why ILs would be dipping their names into our stuff... the only thing *I* was ever made aware of-- that STBX TOLD me-- was that ILs co-signed *a* loan. I was just told to show up with STBX and to sign where I was told to sign. I was very young when we bought our house-- not even 23-- and pretty naive. The second set of papers that ILs have their names on is from 2002-- I was having serious health problems in the months immediately preceeding the dates on the papers... some of the papers were dated from when I was so sick that I had to stay with my mom briefly to get rest. Througout our marriage, STBX kept me in the dark about his wheelings and dealings with his parents. They'd scheme and plot, and sometimes I'd learn about their goings on (in the vaguest of ways) when STBX would tell me we'd have to go to a lawyer's and sign something or other.

Like I've said before, STBX committed us to a 100K business without discussing it with me-- how it would effect us, or the kids-- this was something his father came up with, and next thing I know, we're at the lawyer's signing stuff. In retrospect, STBX and his father must have planned the storage business while I was at my mother's place, or around that time.

Avatar for susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 6:03pm

UPDATE:

While going through STBX's Discoveries & Interrogatories that he submitted last November, I discovered that the following:

STBX valued the business property at $340,500., with a 49K line of credit. This was before the whole his parents "loaning" us 190K claims.

STBX valued our home at $281,400. (from the assessor's office), with a mortgage of 70K remaining.

My lawyer was having a conference call with STBX's lawyer, and I told her about STBX's statement-- it was made under penalty of perjury-- his latest claims are a 110K mortgage on the house. A 40K difference!

Also, between calls from my lawyer, I wondered why the "loans" from STBX's parents were not brought to light until AFTER the D&I was in. I mentioned this to her, and said that 190K is a significant number-- it is NOT the sort of thing you just forget to mention-- wouldn't it have been mentioned at the beginning of the divorce proceedings? Why not in the D&I under mortgages and debts??? Instead, it was mentioned in the middle of December of last year-- 3 weeks after he'd submitted the D&I answers.

AND his parents claim the laoned us almost 50K for the construction of our storage building... we'd gotten a bank loan for that (the line of credit?), and the only thing I recall his parents DOING was co-signing a loan with us... Mentioned the 50K thing to my lawyer, and she and I feel that maybe they're double dipping, since the 100K for the storage is accounted for (I think!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 8:26am
I hope you get it all sorted out.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

Avatar for susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 9:10am

Last night I went through some bank statements from the business. STBX uses this account to pay all the bills. I found that there are 2 mortgages that he is paying. From these checks, I have obtained the mortgage routing numbers (is that the correct term?). I called the bank today-- a small, local bank with just 5 branches-- and the main branch said that I can go into my local branch and get that info, and if I have any problems, just have the local branch call the mortgage person at the main branch, and they'll help out. What they can do is give me info on what the balance is should the mortgages be paid off right now, not including interest.

I think I'm going to catch STBX is a $40,000. lie... I'll update later.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 9:28am

Good luck!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

Avatar for susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 11:21am

UPDATE:

I got the mortgage info just a short while ago.

On the house, the remaining mortgage is $65,525.

On the business the remaining balance is $50,000.

I just spoke with my lawyer, and she's spoken with STBX's attorney. They've agreed to 25K upfront, and in increase in child support. I don't know how the new info on the mortgage will play out.

I'll keep you all posted!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 11:24am
Well now, isn't that a dramatic difference!

Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

Pages