4-way conference at lawyer's today
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 08-17-2006 - 9:47pm |
Today, STBX, his lawyer, my lawyer and I had a 4-way meeting at STBX's lawyer's office. It went very well, although STBX's lawyer was getting pretty hot under the collar when the GAL report came up. I'll get to that in a bit...
STBX was EXTREMELY subdued... his hair looked strange, as if he'd dyed it. It definitely looked darker-- one-dimensional... no hints of grey on the sides. He didn't say much at all.
The lawyers discussed the division of the house and business. What will happen is that I will get the proceeds (after the mortgage is paid off) of the sale of the house. STBX will get the SUV that I've been driving since 1997 (OK with me-- it gets about 10 mpg ona good day, and needs exhaust work, A/C work, brakes, etc...) I'll get something more economical after the house is sold.
As for STBX not giving DS his meds-- HIS lawyer reamed him out on that. His lawyer asked me my thoughts on the issue. I'd told him about how I didn't like DS being on meds, but with all DS's mental health advocates being on the same page about the meds, and since it is a LOW dose of meds, the benefits to DS far outweigh any risk to him. I told him I myself don't like to take meds, and it was with great reluctance that DS was put on meds, but that it helps him greatly. I told him that DS's mental health counselors had observed DS without meds, and that they believed that the meds were beneficial to him.... that DS's counselor said that the type of issues DS has are far bigger than just not being able to concentrate on his math or reading, but that he has impulse control issues, and that NOW is the time for him to LEARN consequences, and try to get him on the right track, with the hope that someday he will be able to go off the meds. At that point he told STBX-- "Keep him on the meds."
On the subject of meds... STBX or his attorney brought up that I "use" prescription meds. I recently had a bout of severe insomnia (about 2 hours of sleep a night for 4 nights), and that my MD prescribed a med to help me sleep. It was an SSRI, or anti-depressant. Evidently, boosting serotonin levels in the brain will assist in sleep. Anyway, my MD gave me a sample to try. I did as she instructed, taking only 1/2 a pill. It gave me severe headaches, and my MD prescribed another med. As I hadn't slept at all, and was concerened about the safe operation of my car while I had been so sleep-deprived, I asked STBX if he could pick up the new script for me. He readily agreed to (Hmmm, I wonder why...?), as he was going to be in the area of the pharmacy. Anyway, I learned that it would interact with an OTC supplement that I was taking, so I didn't take the script. Today, STBX whipped out a piece of paper which had the name of the med, and made a big show of saying "You are on prescription meds!" We discussed this and I explained why I didn't take the med, and then I said to STBX-- "Is THIS what you meant by your comment of 'stabbing in the back' yesterday?" He looked at me all innocently, and said, "what do you mean? I would NEVER say that." BS-- he said it to me twice yesterday (see my post about "Pass.-Aggr. comments from STBX" for details)!
OK, to get to the GAL report. Both lawyers were arguing the finer points of the GAL's recommendation. The report states: "...if both parties continued to live in R_______ that they have shared physical custody of DS.... If however, it is determined that shared physical custody is not feasible, than it would be recommended for mother to have primary physical custody of DS with a liberal parenting schedule for father." STBX and his attorney take it to mean that even though DS and are moving 60 miles away, on an isolated peninsula (Cape Cod), he and I will share physical custody of DS, and no child support will be ordered. I would have DS on the schooldays, and STBX would have him on the weekends.
My attorney and I believe that it is impossible to have shared PHYSICAL custody, and all that entails if I am 60 miles away. To us, the shared physical means STBX and I BOTH assist in DS's doctor appointments, dentist, counseling... what is he supposed to do, drive 60 miles to take DS to the dentist? How can he have shared if he only has him weekends? The doctor's office is closed on the weekend. What we suggested is That yes, I have DS on the weekdays, but STBX has him on weekends, but with child support.
What was agreed to was that STBX pays $125 a week CS, and gets DS for weekends, plus 4 weeks a year visitation, and alternate holidays. All this is after both lawyers have a 3-way conference call with the GAL, to ask her what she meant by "physical custody". My lawyer said that STBX and his lawyer are just arguing at this point. The operative words in the report are "...if both parties continued to live in R_______..." and "...if that if not feasible".
The other issue was the credit card bills. I guess STBX isn't responsible for his cell phone bill ($1400), since it ocurred AFTER he moved out (GRRRRR!!!), and he's only responsible for 1/2 of the marital CC bills at the time the divorce was file a year ago... pre-house improvements... almost 20K in CC bills at this point. I fully expected that thsi would come out of the final settlement, so it wasn't too disappointing.
All in all, it seems to have gone quite well. I have to figure out how much was on the CC bills at the point STBX moved out last year, and submit a new financial statement to the court by our next court date on the 28th.

Pages
Another update:
15K upfront. STBX is FURIOUS about this, according to my lawyer. I guess he was anticipating that he would just railroad his 110K mortgage on me. This 15 is to go toward the mortgage. I hope my house sells quickly! Gotta get my family up here to help me get it finished and on the market.
Increase of child support from $125 to $155 per week. I'm not getting a dime now, so it will help when it goes into effect.
Pages