5 yo having problems

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2006
5 yo having problems
3
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 10:17pm

My son's father and I separated when he was 2 years 4 months and divorced when he was 4. He is now a little over 5 and having lots of trouble with the divorce. For the past 6 months or so, when he's with me he'll say "I miss daddy" a lot and when he's with his dad it's "I miss mommy." He sees his father every other weekend for the entire weekend and 2 evenings a week for a couple of hours.

Lately, he's been having a real tough time. Tonight was the worst. He broke down and kept crying, "I want you and daddy to be together again." He was unconsolable for about 15 minutes and then kept calming down and getting worked up again.

I've told him how much we both love him. Tonight I told him the reason his daddy and I can't live together anymore is because we always fight and scream when we're together. I told him it's no fun to hear screaming all the time, so we don't live together and everyone is much better that way.

Any advice on what to tell him or what to do to make it better? It breaks me up to see him like this. I've been trying to find some books for him but most of the books for kids his age are for divorces in progress. His father and I haven't lived together for almost three years now.

Thanks in advance.

Mel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 12:55am

I'm wondering who's planting seeds?


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2006
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 10:15am

Thanks for your quick and insightful response.

As for who's planting the seeds, I don't believe there are any seeds planted. About a year ago ds realized that his daddy and I used to live together. He loves looking at pictures and saw daddy and mommy together in a lot of them and all of us at home. He started asking questions then and I explained that yes, daddy used to live here.

I've said all the things that you suggested. That we love him tons, we each get our special time with him, we're the luckiest mommy and daddy in the world to have such a great kid, etc. If he misses daddy when he's with me I always talk about it with him, telling him I'm sure him and daddy have such a great time together, etc. If that doesn't work I ask if he'd like to call daddy. Sometimes he says yes and sometimes he says no.

We've also talked about missing each other. Sometimes he tells me he missed me. I tell him he can call me or write me a letter or draw me a picture. That I think about him a lot when we're apart but I always think about how great he is and how much I love him. Never that I missed him and wanted to see him but couldn't.

I also always acknowledge his feelings. I know you're sad, I know you're angry, etc.

Maybe this is just something he has to work through. I just feel very frustrated because I'm not able to help him and make him feel better right now.

Mel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 11:24am

Good!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~