6 months pregnant with kids Husband won't leave!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2008
6 months pregnant with kids Husband won't leave!!
5
Thu, 07-07-2011 - 7:57pm

I've been married for 7 years and have 2 kids & another on the way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2008
OH-- if anyone asks why I don't have him watch the kids.... is that he is unreliable!!! If he has to watch the kids for an hour, he freaks out, calls me & starts cussing me out if something isn't going right or calls to see when I am coming back (like after 10 minutes of being gone, which is ironic if you lread my post above) I have a fast-paced job & can't have him calling or yelling at me every 5 minutes. It's been easier (and peace of mind) to know where the kids are & I am the one taking care of them/picking up etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
were u able to find the W-2s to prove that he can work? Start documenting his drinking behavior and when he is and isn't around. You can atleast use this if you do proceed with a divorce to have supervised visits for him with the kids. If you are so miserable, you'd still be better off without him even if you had to pay pallimony. That seems to be what he is banking on. Start collecting all your financial information so you can figure out your worth and how it will be split. I separated first and when that happened, the joint funds were split 50/50 but then my income was my income and his was his. You should ask your lawyer about this because you may lose half upfront but then your paycheck is yours alone and he will get no $$. Since u rent, you can probably go and get your own place and he'll be stuck finding his own living space. Just be sure he doesn't get violent towards you. With alcohol, you have no idea how he will really react so you just need to be careful.

Best of luck and take care for that new baby :)
Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004

Hi Noel,

I am going to encourage you to contact Alanon. This is the sister organization to Alcoholics Anonymous. It's for family and friends of alcoholics. The website is www.al-anon.alateen.org. Find the nearest chapter to where you live and call them. They are a terrific lifeline for people just like you and you'll be so glad you called. Do it today.

You've been living with an alcoholic and you're deeply entrenched in the vicious cycle of codependency and enabling behavior.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
No way would I let him supervise minros either! He's filth, a leach, and an abusive alcohlic.

If I were you, I'd go to some divorce lawyers and see who can work with you. Maybe someone can lower their retainer fee. I'd use credit cards if I have to. eBay a bunch of stuff and save it up.

Google "pro bono services" and your state and see if there are any clinics near you. I know my town had 2 free counseling options. Maybe they can refer you to someone who can help you.

Don't just give up because you say you don't have the $!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2011

I am sorry you are having to deal with this while pregnant. My advice to you would be to do anything to get him out. Is he on the lease? If not, when he is out drinking change the locks. When he arrives call the police and tell them he is drunk and you are fraid. They will make him leave. I wish I had done this. If he is on the lease, then you should file for divorce, while living together seperated. It will not be easy. Try to find proof that he worked in the past. If you have any money take 1/2 of it now & open a new account. Start taking his name off of things he may deplete once he loses your support. Get your vehicle in your name only.

I was married 8 years, 4 kids and seperated many times to a drinker/ bully/ verbal abuser. I finally made good on my trhreat after he became more voilent than usual and left the home. He was forced to get a job to pay for himself. The bad thing is he filed for divorce, and alimony & 100% custody saying he's a stay at home Dad. (I did take my youngest out of daycare because I couldn't afford it on my $12hr job.) He tried to make it seem like I was the sole provider. But when I stopped giving him money he had to get a job which blew apart his case for alimony. He is still squatting in the marital home which has no mortgage while I struggle to pay rent. I am in debt while he lives mortgage free, and spends all his money going out, and on the kids when he has them, yet he can't take them to a dr when they are sick. He took all our money, kept both vehicles just because I let him register mine when we moved from NY to Fl, guess why? Because I was at work, and I asked him to. Never knowing that allows him possession during the seperation. So I have a car payment now, even though I have a paid off car.

Despite all this, I know I did the right thing. No matter how much in debt I am in. I had to cash in my childrens college fund because it was the only access to money I had when I went 3 months with nothing. I got fired 3 days after I was served. I also own my own business, but it was just starting out with debt. That's my income now, but most months I go without pay. I feel my finiacial sturggle may be my punishment for making the choice to initiate the break down of my family. But I am persevereing. Having my own rental to come home to without him here has been so needed. The kids can be with me, and we can just enjoy ourseleves. I am now seeing a great guy, who helps me immensely with my business. Things will get better for you too. My mediation is in 10 days. It has ben over a year of hell, so I suggest you start the process now. You need to focus on you and be healthy for that baby and those kids. If you're like me you will still have pity for him because after I left my ex spiraled even more. He may have to do jail time soon, and I feel guilty in a way. As soon as I can afford counseling I will go to get myelf out of this mind control he still has over me. I no longer need to take care of him, yet I still do at times. I always take the kids for him, when he's supposed to have them even though the judge advised me to let him handle it. It's tough, because he's so unreliable. Try to go for full custody from the start, that way you can settle for 75%. I stupidly went into this on a 50% shared parenting plan because that's what they try to push in FL but it has been 85%me anyway.

Good luck! You'll be okay. Things will fall into place as they should.