6 yr old begging me to keep married name
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6 yr old begging me to keep married name
| Fri, 05-26-2006 - 5:40am |
My poor girl. B/c her FATHER made such a big deal about it, in front of her, now she is totally aware of what it means to go back to your maiden name. The thing is, i wasnt even definatly doing it. But i needed the court to ok it at our final hearing this next Tuesday - so, if i ever WANT to, I will.


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This topic is almost as heated as the "What did you do with your ring?" threads! There definitely isn't a right or wrong to this one!
I kept my married name for several reasons. I've had it for all of my working life and have many publications under that name. The girls will always have that name, and it IS easier if we match. But it's just a name.
As for family..... Rosie was SO worried about being different from the other kids in her new school, but it turned out that several of her classmates had divorced parents. We had many many conversations about how different isn't bad, just different! and now that's one of her favorite lines. A family is anyone who lives together and loves each other. Extended family are the people who love us and care about us, including grandparents and close friends.
I've talked to my S.O. about the name thing. His last name and my first DON'T go together at all, so if we got married, I'd just keep the name I have, t hough I might consider hyphenating. I like the suggestion of keeping your married name as your middle name. You'll sound very southern, since it's a tradition to have a maternal maiden name as your middle name.
And just as an aside, I enjoy still having this name because it makes NW REALLY mad! She had just changed her name from her first husband's back to her maiden when they got married and she took XH's name. Our last name isn't common and it's got a unique spelling, so the 5 of us are the only ones around with it. She gets irate when people call HER house looking for me or when my mail goes to her house. I think it's funny that she's so uncomfortable about a NAME!!!!
~calla~ mom to rosie and gracie
**And just as an aside, I enjoy still having this name because it makes NW REALLY mad! She had just changed her name from her first husband's back to her maiden when they got married and she took XH's name. Our last name isn't common and it's got a unique spelling, so the 5 of us are the only ones around with it. She gets irate when people call HER house looking for me or when my mail goes to her house. I think it's funny that she's so uncomfortable about a NAME!!!!**
ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!
I had been thinking about just keeping my last name b/c it'd be easier with the boys. Plus, getting all the stuff like SS cards and all that changed was a pain in the butt and I just did that once a couple of years ago! However, my maiden name is Irish and I look very Irish and am proud of my heritige. However, the NW reason ALONE might be enough to convince me to just avoid tha hassle and keep my married name!!! LOL Although STBX's family is from the southeast (I'm in NC), there still aren't very many in my area with my last name. Anyone that hears my name asks if I'm related to him (my work community is closely linked with his). Knowing that The Skank was fuming at my having his last name would just be a nice little giggle to have LOL.
A friend of mine recently had this same issue come up. Her ex-H got remarried to a total psycho! This chick was AWFUL! She was obviously very jealous of my friend (who happens to look like a 20-ish Hepburn) and caused all kinds of problems between my friend an the xh. Well, her xh had a few things that she had left and she needed, he said to come and get them, no problem. Well, a few days later he calls back and says she cannot have ANYTHING back until she changed her name!!!! LOL Of course, I'd say that any woman that would be with her ex (or mine) would have to be fairly insecure and their craziness about the last name thing is just proof of that!!!!
I almost didn't change mine back for all the reasons you just named and he was just being such a jerk to me during the seperation flaunting his mistress around town and such that at the last moment I did and I am so glad I did and let me tell you why. My inlaws had a prominent business and his name was well known. I couldn't go ANYWHERE without someone knowing my last name they didn't necessarily know me they just knew the last name because I lived in a podunk small town and I was still really pretty raw since he was flaunting his mistress around.
I went into the CVS once to pick up a prescription, the girl filling my prescription said to me "I'm sorry I heard about you and mike" I looked at her name tag, looked at her, and had to strain really hard to remember who the heck she was, I had met her one time 7 years previous at a party she was best friends of a friend of ours SISTER she didn't know ME but she knew my last name and she was a friend of ours sister so I guess that while filling my prescription she felt compelled to give me some sympathy on my marriage, had my last name been back to my maiden name by then she wouldn't have had a clue who I was. THen when I went in for my refinance on my car, I was still on my married name, the guy who took me at the bank was the brother in law of one of my inlaws BEST Friends I had just got done at a counseling appointment so I was feeling a bit tender and he said Oh XXX (the last name) are you related to x*x catering and I burst into tears in his office and said yes that's why I'm hear. In a small town, I just couldn't escape it, I couldn't fade into the background and just heal by myself. With my own name I could and the only people who knew me were the actual people who knew me not the people who knew the "name".
R~
UGH... I can completely see how difficult this all is and I am seeing how much easier I had it by the divorce occurring earlier in Joey's life--he never knew any different, so to speak...
I did keep my married name, but mainly because my maiden name is such a mouthful, it is just easier this way... people do slaughter my married name, but there is only two ways they really do that, which is better than the several hundred ways you could slaughter my maiden one...
Sending hugs to you and Ave as you help each other through this time... I hope you have a great time in Italy!
*hugs*
Julie
Me too ... Me too ... Me too.
Thank you so much for
Virgo - thanks. I have pointed all that out, even so far as the whole step-parents, 2nd families, moms with same & different names .... all that we know ... & my little smarty-pants says, get THIS .... "Yeah, but they arent MY family!" lol
I know that if i decide to do it one day, she will be ok. With reassurance from me, she will. Thanks
Absolutely - if he wasnt saying anything, she woudl be FINE. He is as usual, using her to get to me.
Did i mention lately? .... I am SO thrilled I left him!!!
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