7 Mos Pregnant and Hubby wants a DIVORCE

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2005
7 Mos Pregnant and Hubby wants a DIVORCE
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Fri, 07-22-2005 - 12:26am

Hello everyone, as you can imagine I am a total wreck right now. DH and I have been married for almost 2 years. We have been having problems on and off and believe me they're not problems in my opinion but to him they are. Silly arguements because he would go out with the boys 3-4 times a week and come home late, I would have to ask him to do certain things and if I complained that he didn't do it then I was b1tching. He doesn't feel we're compatible because he loves to play video games and I hate them. We laugh at different things. Anyway, we decided to have a baby when we were in good terms. Now I am 7 months pregnant and he says he can't take it anymore and he's not happy and these 2 years have been terrible for him. I know we haven't had a perfect marriage but I'm realistic at the fact that things will get boring and heated at times. He said he loves me but we just don't get along and we clash. He left it up to me to decide on what we should do so I just let it go. How insensitive could he be???? I really don't know what's going through his head but I'm not going to fight it either, he sounded very convinced that this was the right thing to do, and of course I'm the one who has to deal with the mortgage, the bills, and now the baby even though he said he would be there and he will help me out. Anyway, I really need some advice and guidance and even support. I feel very alone right now and it's not helping my state of mind which is not good for the baby. Thanx for listening...

Laura

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2005
Sat, 07-23-2005 - 11:42pm

The pregnancy is NOT making this any easier. My hormones are going through the roof and I get these bursts of anger that wont go away. I try to control them and guess what I do? Yup I pick up the phone and curse him out, tell him whatever's on my mind at the moment. I know it's not helping any but it makes me feel good for the moment and then I hang up and cry for a while. I feel like he's taking it easy while I'm drowning in sorrow and a baby to worry about. He tells me to relax but I can't. My doctor diagnosed me with mild depression and it doesn't help that I'm away from family and I don't have many friends here who I can talk to or call. I spend most of my days alone. Anyway, hopefully I'll get over this sooner than later. I pray that I do. Thanks again for all of your guidance and support.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2001
Sun, 07-24-2005 - 9:36am

Laura,

You are not alone, we are here and we care. Just knowing that you have someone that understands will help more than you will ever know while going through all this. Please take care of yourself and your beautiful little one.

Luv, Sherry

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Sun, 07-24-2005 - 10:41am

(((Laura)))


I could have written your post! I was married for two and half years, we had two children together and I was 7 months pregnant when my STBX told me he wanted a divorce. We had the same problems with him going out with his buddies until the wee hours of the morning, playing video games for hours on end. At first we just separated, but then one day he called me, after begging to come home, and told me that he never loved me, never wanted to marry me and was miserable the entire time we were together. I found out soon after that there had been someone else in the picture. So, while I can't offer much in the way of advice, since I'm still in the middle of all of this, I did want to let you know that I'm dealing with the

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2005
Sun, 07-24-2005 - 10:52am

Thank you so much for your kind words. I will email you soon. You guys have been a big support system for me right now. God bless you.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sun, 07-24-2005 - 10:58am
Laura, I didn't mean to say that your pregnancy would make this easier. I am sorry. I am sure your hormones are through the ceiling. I just thought if you could focus on the baby maybe it would take some of your stress away. You don't need to worry about the baby now. It pretty much takes care of itself. We need to find you another outlet for your anger and sadness. I listen to music (Josh Groban) while playing spider solitare on the computer. I makes my mind do soemthing else for awhile. On days that I need a good cry, I do just that. I sit at the computer do my thing and cry. Try to find yourself an outlet. Some exercise (walk), read, watch sad or happy movies. I have also found great solace in the religion. I am now able to go to church every Sunday without someone complaining. I find it to be very relaxing. Did your doctor give you something for your depression? Have you tried some counseling? I do both. I understand you are lonely and I wish I had a good piece of advice for that. I am struggling with it myself. I am trying to learn to be comfortable with me. Take care of yourself.
Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 8:22pm
I am floored. I had no idea how many men did this. I wish I had thought to come here when I was pregnant and dealing with all the same drama. I think I would have cried a lot less and spent more time hanging up the d@mn phone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 9:41pm

Laura, I just wanted to say I am SO sorry you have to go through this.

When I was pregnant, my STBX decided he didn't know if he wanted to stay with me, and started spending a lot of time with another woman "just as friends." (That was 10+ years ago..I should have woken up then!! We did end up staying together after that).

There were days I really thought I couldn't go on. When I felt that way, I would just imagine holding my baby up in the air and spinning him around (gently, of course..lol!). It really helped. I would imagine our life together, happy and fulfilling.

I wish you all the best. I know this isn't going to be an easy road for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 12:50am

Oh, Laura. Please just take care of yourself. I'm on line tonight looking for comfort because I want to end a marriage after learning my husband cheated on me when I was 5 months pregnant. My son is now 1-1/2 years old. He was selfish then, and he hasn't gotten any better. My regret is that I didn't leave then. Now he's attached to the child he wasn't sure he wanted, and I'm going to have to fight for my time with my dear son. That's the only reason I'm still here. Anyone so selfish to do these things while you are pregnant isn't worth waiting for. Each situation is different, I know, and you have to make your own decisions, but if there is any inkling in your mind that you should move on, in my opinion, you should do so. I sure wish I had and wasn't in my current dilemma. My thoughts and prayers are with you tonight.

Cindi

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 11:05am
First of all, yes your husband sounds EXTREMELY immature (I think we've already established that) and probably sounds like you'll be better off without him!!! How old IS he? Anywho, let me just say that NOTHING turns a man (who is on the brink of divorce) around more than knowing his wife can do just fine without him. If I were you (and this is IMHO of course), I would grant him his wish and just play along with him and agree on the divorce. Once they know you're ready for it too and you're being strong and want it over and done with, then they start to realize that you are slipping away and you don't need them. Take his a$$ to court for child support, for alimony, and of course for him to pay half of the bills you guys currently have. When a guy wants a divorce, it doesn't mean all his financial responsibilities stop, I know most ment think that. He probably thinks he's going to have all this extra spending money to go out with his friends. WRONG!!! I actually think finances get more expensive after a divorce because you're now on a single income. I'm not saying take the man to the cleaners (unless that's what you want to do) but I'm just saying divorced or not, he needs to grow up and start paying for his responsibilities. He'll learn the grass isn't greener when you're divorced, that's for damn sure. Divorce matures you tenfold! Maybe this will be a good thing for him. Help him grow up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 5:14pm
Hi Cindi!

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

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