The 7 stages of grief
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| Sat, 03-11-2006 - 9:53am |
rhea got me thinking about how my therapist said that a divorce is very similar to a death, and most people have to experience the stages of grief to heal. I've posted the stages below for us to look at so we can see where we are and where we will be....soon!
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Grief and loss can be associated with any stage of life. Even the death of a pet or moving to a new house can cause a person to grieve. Grief is associated with any kind of loss and will vary in length and intensity. Students experiencing homesickness during the first few weeks of college are experiencing a loss (parents, home, friends, etc.) and are, in a sense, grieving.
Grief is a normal, natural part of life. It is important that grief be regarded as a healing process. There are seven recognized grief stages. An individual will experience each stage during their grief; however, it may not be in order and some stages may be visited more than once. The stages of grief are:
(1) Shock or Disbelief that the loss has occured.
(2) Denial is the stage in which the person refuses to accept the loss has occured.
(3) In the Bargaining stage, the person attempts to reconcile the loss by making deals with other people, sometimes also with Diety. (
(4) Guilt is marked by statements of "if only I had done/been . . . ".
(5) Anger is a natural stage everyone must pass. Anger may be directed toward the loss, the person lost, or even Diety.
(6) Depression is a stage that comes and goes throughout the grief process. Resignation at the end of the depression indicates that the truth of the loss has been accepted and the person is ready to move on.
(7) Acceptance and Hope means that you understand your life will never be the same but it will go on with meaning and hope.

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this is great!
i remember going thru these stages, i remember reading about them while i was 'in the moment'. i got stuck mostly on the denial and the guilt - oyyyyy the guilt. it kept me stuck in a marriage that i never should've gotten into in the first place.
i am so happy with my life now - especially looking back and seeing where i was.
Thanks!!!!
I am just beginning my road and I feel that I deal with all 7 steps at the same time. The shock factor of my STBX's double life and lies has not worn off, I still deny it a little so it doesn't hurt so bad and isn't so humiliating. I baragin, (If I wouldn't have gone back to school, if I would have had sex with him every time he wanted it...), I feel guilty for not "being perfect" and of course, depressed that my life with him is over. Although I DO see the light that I will have a better life when I heal and eventually forgive him (NOT to reconcile, but so I can move on and throw out the bitterness).
Thanks for the post...
the seven stages of grief... it seems like years ago i learned about them... I was mad,sad and mad, and sad and mad... I'm still mad and sad... The house is on the market and it makes me sad and mad. I had to give the dog to my ex- makes me really mad and sad... he only wants to pay me $736/ mo. alimony makes me mad and sad... I guess I realy feel mad and sad right now.
Laura
"i really think somedays they get bored with all my ups and downs."
I know you may feel that way, but I am sure they are happy to support you. I have talked my father's ear off so many times, I often wonder how he stands it. But think about it...if you had to support a family member going through the same thing, you would do it.
rhea
Rhea,
Think about it....the longer he spends doing all the things he is doing and not dealing with the grief of a dissolved marraige, the longer he is just dragging out his own grief. I belive that everyone dels with it in some way or another and those that "stuff it" which it sounds that your ex is doing, will suffer more eventually. He may not show it on the outside, but the poor decisions he is making are a consequence of that.
You on the other hand seem to be embracing your grief, which is healthy and normal. You are WAY ahead of the game and are on your road to becoming a stronger and better woman for yourself and probably another man eventually. Another man that appreciates you and appreciated your courage. Your ex does not seem to be embracing becoming a better person. I think you mentioned you have daughters? What a wonderful role model you are to them to prove that you CAN come out of this a better woman an don't accept someone who disrespects you. I (and my sister) have noticed we have been choosing relationships that match our mothers, some bad choices and some good.
Good luck,
Beanie
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