The 7 stages of grief

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
The 7 stages of grief
12
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 9:53am

rhea got me thinking about how my therapist said that a divorce is very similar to a death, and most people have to experience the stages of grief to heal. I've posted the stages below for us to look at so we can see where we are and where we will be....soon!
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Grief and loss can be associated with any stage of life. Even the death of a pet or moving to a new house can cause a person to grieve. Grief is associated with any kind of loss and will vary in length and intensity. Students experiencing homesickness during the first few weeks of college are experiencing a loss (parents, home, friends, etc.) and are, in a sense, grieving.

Grief is a normal, natural part of life. It is important that grief be regarded as a healing process. There are seven recognized grief stages. An individual will experience each stage during their grief; however, it may not be in order and some stages may be visited more than once. The stages of grief are:

(1) Shock or Disbelief that the loss has occured.

(2) Denial is the stage in which the person refuses to accept the loss has occured.
(3) In the Bargaining stage, the person attempts to reconcile the loss by making deals with other people, sometimes also with Diety. (
(4) Guilt is marked by statements of "if only I had done/been . . . ".
(5) Anger is a natural stage everyone must pass. Anger may be directed toward the loss, the person lost, or even Diety.
(6) Depression is a stage that comes and goes throughout the grief process. Resignation at the end of the depression indicates that the truth of the loss has been accepted and the person is ready to move on.
(7) Acceptance and Hope means that you understand your life will never be the same but it will go on with meaning and hope.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2005
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 4:47pm
I'm embracing the grief all right, I have been crying all day. I've been going through some of the papers, taxes, etc from all the years spent together, the flood started. He's too busy being in his little fantasy world to know what the real world is all about. I am tired of the phone calls from bill collectors, these are his bills they are calling me about!! He's too busy joining all kinds of dating services, these sites are not cheap. I sent him another e-mail yet again about the bill collectors, I tried to reason with him, he doesn't need these dating services, his bills should come first, he shouldn't be spending all his money on web sites, cell phone, and dining women. I'm so tired of feeling this way
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 2:57pm

I liked looking over the list....reminds me of where I've been. It feels like it's been such a long journey. I think I am getting closer to being in the acceptance part most of the time. The anger and depression come around from time to time, but not as much as they used to. I believe the guilt is long gone now - I used to think a lot about what I could have done differently - but I kept coming back to who the ex was, and I don't think there was much I could have done differently as I think we were meant to divorce.

I have been feeling more hopeful in some areas lately - and that is so nice. I actually found myself feeling thankful last week for what I went through. I know so much more about myself and I feel stronger.

I just wish my son was happier. We had another tough weekend - I guess because the gf was back from her business trip and they spent time at her house packing her stuff. My son doesn't appear to be mis-behaving at his Dad's, but he does kick, hit, pinch and scratch me - we are working hard on learning that it is not OK to do that to Mom. My ds is taking his Dad's engagement, the gf moving in and the planning for a move to a new house so badly. He's mad at me for not stopping the changes going on over there. He's mad at his Dad - I think because he has to 'share' his Dad with the gf in addition to the fact that so much is changing.

I remind myself, "This too shall pass!" I am feeling tired today, but trying hard to remain optimistic that somehow we'll manage to get through it all.

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