8 years later, reeling from custody dispute.

Avatar for johannacc
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
8 years later, reeling from custody dispute.
9
Sun, 08-07-2011 - 9:33pm

I've been on ivillage form about 12 years now, from married, to Trying to conceive, to adoption, divorce, to getting married again, Now her I am, after being remarried for 7 years dealing with custody issues and I am devastated. I have two children with my ex and he lives 2 hours away. My son is nearing 12.5 and for the last two years ex has been pushing for DS to live with him. I’ve been saying no. My DS is adopted and happens to be an amazing athlete, like scholarship material. Exh is obsessed with soccer, so therefore now my son is. And whatever sport he chooses to participate in, he dominates. My my husband is parenting by proxy through my son. Total ego-maniac. Now he’s taking me to court, over this whole summer, forget my 11.5 year old daughter apparently- she does NOT want to go!!! I have the advantage, he’s background is not great. BUT, we’ve been trying mediation and it’s clear to me my son wants’ to “try” living with his dad and what can I do?. My lawyer and I are going to make a contract with a safety net in case my son’s grade’s tank or something.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 08-07-2011 - 10:40pm

Hi Johanna,

I'm sad to see you are depressed, but looking at this objectively, your son is not going to be "taken away" from you--you are still going to be his mom and you will still get to see him, even though not as much.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Mon, 08-08-2011 - 4:38pm

Hi,

I would encourage you to seek a second legal opinion before signing anything with your EX. It would seem to me that your EX would have to prove you were an unfit parent or something equally negative to get your son to live with him. So, I'd also recommend you have your son examined by a child psychologist and get an official read on his state of mind, etc. I'd also be very cautious about your son's living arrangements because your EX may also seek an alteration in child support.

Be wise, seek second opinions and get help from a therapist.

good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 08-08-2011 - 7:20pm

At least where I live, the standard for custody is "what is best for the child."

Avatar for johannacc
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Wed, 08-10-2011 - 4:05pm

Of course he's not being taken away from me, but it's a knee-jerk feeling. I'm trying to be a good mother and consider his feelings. I'm just grieving he loss of not seeing him most of the time. We're working it out. I just need support for the waves of sadness that come over me from time to time. I have an amazing family lawyer who has walked me through this process, unfortunately there is no wrong or easy answer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2003
Wed, 08-10-2011 - 5:23pm
I don't have children so I can relate to that, but, I do understand the feeling of loss. I hope you find a solution that brings you some type of peace.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Thu, 08-11-2011 - 10:03am

I'm sorry that you're feeling sad and frustrated, Johanna.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 08-11-2011 - 11:46am

Oh I do understand that feeling & I hope you don't think I was not being sympathetic.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 08-15-2011 - 1:15pm

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said "there is

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
Wed, 08-31-2011 - 5:20pm

I am going through the same thing except that my son is 8 and I believe he is being guilted into saying he wants to stay at his dads (over 3 hours away).... anyhow I am going to post my story in a few if you want to read. I have all the feelings you do... I am trying hard not to want to take medication... pill or booze form. I am currently telling myself I do NOT need to buy a pack of cigarettes! LOL to top things off, my 18 year old just went