9 years after divorce:(
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| Tue, 07-08-2008 - 4:49pm |
I have been divorced for nine years. Married 23 years exH wanted it, I don't but wasn't much I could do about it. I was devastated and he was able to go on to live his life with the kids and with his new woman. Oh yes I have been through all the stages. Took me along long time. Was doing ok. Or atlease I wasn't thinking about him.
Recently I have had a set back. I think I really have never accepted that he deosn't love me. He has never apologised or anything. No remorse at all. I have been having thoughts of wishing we were together again and thinking it could happen. I know, I know I 'm nuts. I just love to deeply I guess and thought he did too.
It amazing me how he falls in love so easily. He is with another woman now and been with her for a few years. That too is hard for me. Why does he get it so good? Why does he have somene to grow old with, do things with, they travel and all kinds of things we planned to do. I'm going back to it's not fair stuff. I don't know why I can't get over him. I don't know why I would think he still loves me.
We do not speak or talk. That is totally me. He would be my best friend if I allowed it but I can't it hurt to much
I haven't dated, just not able to find anyone that wants a 54 year old woman. Yes low self esteem but all he put me through and said to me has just

I have been divorced for 12 years. I know your pain, but let me encourage you to get up and salvage your life. He apparently took the best 20+ years of your life, don't let him have the rest of it. I don't ever expect to re-marry, but I do intend to live the rest of my life knowing that I didn't choose divorce but was dealt that hand and I WILL SURVIVE! Get involved with friends, relatives, co-workers, church groups, just involve yourself with people and activities. You are special, believe in yourself! It's YOUR LIFE take charge and go forward, no one can change yesterday nor control tomorrow, but today is yours! MAKE IT A WONDERFUL ONE!
Thanks so much Hopeisalive. I know I should keep busy. I had been doing really good but there was a death in the family and I had to attend. That was the first time I've been around him since 2000. I think that it would not have been so hard if he would not have brought his new soulmate. She didn't even know the person that died....I know she was there for him but it was very hard being there with them. Ofcourse I acted as if all was fine but I was dying inside. We stood on complete difeenr side's said hi at one point and that was it. We were married for years and it was like spear all over again.
The person that past was his nephew who we raised. In my post above it sounds like he had the kids but that was incorrect. He left me to raise our child and his nephew, so I had to attend funeral. I got out of there pretty fast but it was hard being around all his family that we celebrated so many holidays with and him there with her. It was like a smack in my face but really it just told me I haven't really accepted tttthat divorce. It's just twisted.
He sent me a card in the mail thanking me for all I did for his nephew,said he wouldn't forget and I was a great person.
Hi Lilyann,
I've been separated/divorce for about 5 years.
Dear Lilyann:
I can't imagine how hard it must be to be divorced after 23 yrs.
Lilyann,
The first thing I want to say is no one can tell you how long it takes to move on from a loss. Divorce is a significant rejection; it's doubly hard to be the one who is "left behind."
That said, it sounds like the death of the nephew, whom you helped raise, is the trigger for your recent set back. Significant events following a loss, like birthdays, holidays, graduations, weddings, and funerals
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
Thank you all so much!!! I already feel better. I'm really trying to get myself motivated. I've probably done more this weekend then I have in three years. LOL