abandoned

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2007
abandoned
2
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 1:08am
Four year ago I moved states to be with my husband. I left everything and everyone I knew behind. Now, just four years later he has left me and my three kids, two of my children are from a previous relationship. Our daughter is only 5 years old and is beside herself in pain. For the past two years of my marriage I was very ill and had to undergo three surgeries the last of which I had done in January of this year. I have not been able to work and throughout the marriage was given NO money by my husband. I have found drugs hidden in our home and he drinks like the proverbial fish. He is verbally abusive and calls me names whether or not the kids are around. The final straw was when I was searching for something a week ago and found a wad of cash under the couch cushions, that was when I realised that he was hiding the money from his wallet whenever he came home. I confronted him about it and it resulted in a huge fight. We were in the process of purchasing a home and were just 2 weeks from closing, after the fight and without telling me he called the real estate attorney and inquired as to how he could get out of buying the house without losing his deposit. He was told that this could happen if he somehow did not qualify for the mortgage. He call the bank and lied and told them that he lost his job. His file was sent back to underwriting and the loan was declined. I found this out when I called the bank to check on the appraisal and was told by the Rep what he had done. He was the only one who qualified for the mortgage as based on all the medical bills I have I now have to declare bankrupsy while he has zero debt and perfect credit. I confronted hem yet again about his deception and he exploded, calling me ugly names. Five days later he packed up and left. We have absolutely no money, I have absolutely no access to any of his money and we filed a joint tax return and received a refund of $7000 dollars which he had deposited to his own personal account and has refused to give me any of the money. I don't know what to do. I need to move back home to Florida but I have no funds and know absolutely no one in the state I am in to help us. I do not even have the money to retain a lawyer. I traverse between anger and dispair, my poor kids are hurting and I feel powerless to help them. What can I do, dear God I NEED HELP!!!! I feel like a huge failure and such a fool, what kind of mother am I to allow this hurt into my childrens life. Where do I go from here I'm sooooo overwhelmed. Is there no justice in the world?????? He has moved in with his aunt who has been very instrumental in promoting the agony in my home. I believe he has already consulted a lawyer and I'm so afraid of losing my daugher or being told that I can't leave this state. How would I survive, I have no one here and an excellent support system where I'm from. Please help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
In reply to: momcryinginside
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 9:41am

Mom,


My heart goes out to you in your situation. It's very sad your husband has abandoned his family and is acting like a teenager. And shame on his aunt for supporting his childish behavior!


Here's my suggestions to help you with your immediate needs. First, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). You are the victim of domestic violence. Call and get connected with individuals who can provide you with emotional support and help you develop a plan to move forward. You'll find help there also for food, legal assistance, and medical help.


Other suggestions in addition to the first one:


Locate the nearest food pantry to find out how to obtain some groceries for the next few days. Check the yellow pages or call a church or synagouge near you to ask if a food pantry is nearby. Explain your situation as briefly as possible and ask for their assistance.


Second, look in the blue government pages of the phone book for Legal Aid. You may qualify for free legal assistance. Again, you'll have to explain your situation, and probably meet with someone their to get a full explanation of what they can or can't do for you. The domestic violence shelter may also be able to help you find this resource.


Third, again, looking in the blue government pages, try to find the nearest government assistance office. Inquire about food stamps, aid to families with dependent children, and women and children assistance programs. Don't let pride keep you from applying. These programs are there to help you when you have challenges like the one you're facing.


I'd get a copy of your tax returns for the past two years, any bank statements you can find that show there are no joint assets, any insurance policies, and any credit card statements. These may be helpful to an attorney to establish your economic situtation.


Don't give up and reach out for help. You deserve much better and you will survive this. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.


Let us know how you are doing!


CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: momcryinginside
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 10:04am

Hi~


Please take advantage of the resources that cl-wisdomtooth gave to you in her post.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~