? about Alimony, is this true....
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? about Alimony, is this true....
| Thu, 07-28-2005 - 10:47am |
I live in New York, as you guys know 3 weeks ago I ran into my ex I dated while in college. We've been talking, have seen each other a few times, he's come to my house but he's married. He says the marriage has long been over and he's going to ask for a divorce next month. We've decided that until that happens and he moves out we dont want to get into anything "deeper between us" then we already have because it's not right.
My question is will he have to pay Alimony to her. I know child support will be a definite. A lady I work with says if the woman was working prior to them getting married he doesnt have to pay alimony is this true?

Im very LEARY of the whole unhappy marriage line, believe me. I dont even trust it because you always hear of that and it almost always turns out as the man/woman just wanting a piece on the side. But then I think could it be true. People do change, fall out of love, grow apart. I surely never thought I wouldnt be with my ex right now. Thought we'd be together forever you know.
I know he asked me to give him to September as they are going on a vacation to Disney with their daughter in August that he says was planned in advance and he didnt think "we" would have had possibility of a second chance since seeing each other 3 yrs ago and I told him how happy I was and 3mths pregnant at the time. But I will keep my feelings at bay and still date for the next month. If he keeps his word or not time will surely tell.
I know the child support is a big deal. I took my ex to court for C.S. so I know how that is as well as the Swell of emotions.
I would be a little leery of this situation. Glad you're not putting your life on hold for him and are continuing to date. It doesn't sound like you can really be 'just friends' if he's contemplating leaving his wife and giving your relationship another try (I'm not saying you're crossing the line, but if you keep seeing him the line's going to get blurrier and blurrier). Maybe the best thing to do would be to tell him to take the time and figure out what he wants and needs in his life and not to contact you unless and until his marriage is officially over. You don't want to be a factor in the end of his marriage, and you don't want to get closer to him until you know he is available.
-sang
Ladies,
Maybe you guys misunderstood. Im not saying Im gonna go full speed ahead with anything. Or putting all my hopes on the story of him really leaving. I know full well how it goes. Im sure my ex told his other women the same things that "we" were over etc. Im not taking his word for anything because as I said nothing is final yet with him. I wont believe it until I see the actual papers and he has his own place. I told him I dont want to be the reason his marriage is ending. That if he leaves her I dont want it to be for me, Ive told him it has to be b/c HE wants to leave. Ive made that very clear. Ive also told him I dont want him lying to her to so he can see me, its not right or fair to her.
I ve been on the other side of this and all im saying is Ive been blessed b/c for a long long time I despised the other women in my ex's lives for what they did. And now here I am and it's a very similar situation. My friend claims they havent been intimate for a long time. I know me and my ex were still intimate when we were together till the very end almost. I dont believe him, but I have to admit that I want to. I wish it were true and he was leaving. I want to find that special someone to be with, share my life with. But that cant happen until he does leave if he leaves. I just see how hard it is when you really care for someone. Those feelings are not easy to walk away from. I want to see him, spend time with him but it's wrong as long as he's still married because we want to be more than friends. Im not condoning infidelity one bit. I could be like the other women and say I dont care about his wife but that's not right at all. I do care b/c I been there. I just have a little insight as to what the ow in my situation must have been feeling.
Spouses can fall out of love with each I guess. I guess there are men out there who say its over, mean it and do get the divorce, just wondering if he's genuine.
luvred-
There's no way to know whether he really means what he's saying or whether he's saying what he thinks will let him have his cake and eat it too. So you're doing the right thing to keep living your life and let him sort out his marriage first. If he follows through on what he's saying and you're still available, then you can see where you two stand. If not, you'll be glad you didn't put your life on hold, and who knows - you might meet your Mr. Right any day now.
-sang