absolutely heartbroken

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2008
absolutely heartbroken
14
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 5:54pm
After an intense argument my husband and I

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2008
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 9:03pm

I am so sorry you have to go through all of this. I can imagine you *are* feeling pretty desperate. That is perfectly understandable.

I don't think you are crazy for needing to hear from him that it is over. The truth is - no one else but the two of you really know what is going on in your relationship. You owe it to yourself to get some resolution to your issues - one way or the other. Is it possible for you to go and see him (alone) in person to talk with him about this? The answers may not be what you want to hear but it sounds like you really want to know the truth. It is hard to have serious difficult conversations on the phone or via email - so much can be misconstrued. I would seriously find a way to talk with him in person. But that is just my two cents.

No matter what you decide - remember you are a good person. Whatever is going on is *not* your fault. You are not alone. Many of us have feelings of desperation and hurt. I hope that gives you some solace and some comfort.

~Hurtnlost

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2008
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 8:08am
If I could, I would travel to see him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2004
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 9:22am
Moving on can be difficult. Been there, and to my shame, can say, done that. While it's nice that you maintained a loving and physical relationship, it was NOT the wisest choice, with YOU allowing him to have his cake, eat it too, and lead you on. Not being taken seriously.....it's because YOU are setting the standard and allowing him to treat you that way. As someone once told me you don't "get" respect, you EARN it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2008
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 9:57am

You may be right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2004
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 10:41am

He doesn't have to. He doesn't want to look like the "bad guy", especially in his children's eyes and especially as they get older. He can always contend that he had every good intention to come home, but (woe is him), life just didn't deal the cards in his favour and so he is "off the hook" and not to blame. Meanwhile he keeps you for initmacy and companionship WITHOUT any of the obligations and responsibility. He is living the life of Riley and is and has been taking full advantage of it.


I know another couple who recently split. They both insist that problems were prevalent for several years but decided to got to counseling NOW, just as he's moved out. How PATHETIC. You nip the problem in the bud and not whenj it's full of weeds. Sure, it CAN still be fixed but there's a LOT more damage and needs MUCH more time, effort and work and the willingness on both parts to give 200% each to make it work. What's worse is he walked out on the kids. Why not just fix the problem in it's beginning stages. WHY? Because he WANTED a way out. But just like you the wife insists he's a good dad, lousy husband, but good dad. Newsflash. Good dads deal with problems as they come, treat their partner with respect and DON'T walk out on their kids. That simply makes him a spoiled brat. The locks would be changed BEFORE he got his second foot out the door and that's the last he's see of his kids, if it were me.


Maybe he has good intentions, or once did.....but in my humble opinion, he's now playing his trump card and on your sympathies. In fact, the road to hell was paved on good intentions and that's what he's doing to you. Putting you and the family through hell. At this point I would honestly STOP asking for answers or for him to make up his mind. He already has but is too much of a "coward" to come out and say so, but his actions are speaking much louder than his words. Remember, the RUSH song that states: "If you choose NOT to decide you still have made a choice", and it's obvious to me and it should be to you that he has. And, if he "hasn't", Do yourself and the kids a favour and decide FOR him. Stop letting him run and ruin your life while he continues to have it all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 10:54am
its hard i get it. There will come a time that you need to start living your life. You life with your kids. They need you and you need to realize what you are teaching them. What kind of lesson do you want your kids to learn from this situation? Remember you are their role model. Do what you want them to learn. That is your answer. Best of luck.
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dragon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2008
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 11:37am

The problem is my heart and mind are not connecting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2004
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 11:53am

Sorry to be "harsh" but believing he was half your sould was and may still be your "first" and "main" "mistake".


Also you MUST be half his soul as well. And, at least currently that's not the case. Would you hold on to a friend


if he or she treated you this way? I doubt it? And, who cares about the sex? Honestly, people make more of "it"


than need be, forgetting the sex can be enjoyable with almost anyone if they are not only "skilled" but moreso


loving and caring. As far as once moving the earth for you, I ONCE had no grey hair. THAT is no longer the case


and now

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2008
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 12:43pm

My mistake is believing I still mean as much to him as he does me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 1:59pm

Are you in therapy because I really feel that it would help you a lot to deal w/ this situation and get over your DH.

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