ADD meds update-- STBX is whacko
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| Wed, 07-26-2006 - 4:57pm |
Grrr, STBX is a complete whackjob.
Today, DS had a counseling appointment. He'd been st STBX's for the past few day, so he didn't have his ADD meds. Anyway, I got to the counseling center before STBX. When he saw I was there, he was a bit ticked off. This came out as, "They don't have parking here! Why are you here? I had to park in the back!" Which he said in front of DS and the counselor. DS saw his counselor, and after the appointment was over, DS and STBX were in the lobby area. I'd just come out of the bathroom, and the counselor discreetly motioned for me to come into her office. I hadn't spoken to her yet (I usually see her for about 5 minutes before DS sees her to set up his next appointment, etc), and the first words out of her mouth when we got into her office were, "DS didn't have his meds, did he?" I said no, he's been at his father's. She said that she'd call me later, so we could discuss this.
DS and I went shopping immediately after the appointment at 12, and I gave him a portion of his meds at 1. In that hour, he was off the wall, hyper and unfocused, rushing through the grocery store and Walmart-- I was exhausted afterward. When we got home, we had lunch, and DS calmed down after his meds kicked in. He wanted to go back to his father's, so DS called STBX, and he picked him up. DS and I had been planning to visit my mom from Thursday to Monday, so I didn't mind him going to his dad's. Oh, when I gave DS his meds, he said, "Dad won't like it." We talked about this, and how I didn't like that he had to take the meds either, but they help him, like Dr. Frank's meds help him because he's diabetic.
The counselor, Colleen, called me back around 2:30, and we discussed the meds issue. We agred that we'll discuss it at STBX and my appointment with her on Monday, but she was stunned at DS's behavior with her. She said he couldn't focus on games, was belligerent, no self-control, etc. She suggested that I call DS's pediatrician, and let him know that STBX refuses to give him his meds. She said that in the state that DS was in in her office today, it is NOT the behavior that we want for school. He will NEED to be on meds for school.
Well, at 3:00, when I was on hold with the pediatrician's office, STBX drove up. I hung up, and DS came in, looking sad and disappointed. STBX came in, and said, "I can't take him. You know what you did!" I said, "I'll discuss this outside with you." When we got outside, he said, "Nobody listens to what *I* want! I told you not to give him his meds if he was coming over to my house!!" I said, "Wait a second, buster. Tom was with me. I gave him his meds because I thought he was going to be here, but he said he wanted to spend time with you AFTER the meds were given to him." STBX: "He'll be up until midnight! You gave him his meds at 1!" Me: "He's up until midnight regardless of whether or not he has had his meds." STBX: "No he isn't! He sleeps for me!" Me: "He's been a nightowl since BEFORE the meds. I'll discuss this with you Monday at Colleen's."
SO... it's about what STBX *wants*, not what is good for our son. DS is awake LONG after his father falls asleep, and is unsupervised watching cable TV until STBX wakes up at midnight, or 11, or whatever time. I called Colleen back and left a message. I also left a message for the pediatrician to call me back. This is getting crazy.

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Update: Last night I gave DS a Melatonin tablet... the child psychiatrist said it would be perfectly fine to do so... and DS was asleep by 10:30. DS even told me this morning how easy it was for him to go to sleep last night, LOL. BTW, melatonin is a natural hormone that the body produces. I've done some research, and I've found that ADD kids have sleep issues, and melatonin helps with sleeping.
I saw STBX today as DS and I were leaving to go to my mom's for the weekend-- dropped off a paper that had all the billing info for our storage business. He looked at me as if to say, "Why are you doing this? Now I won't be able to complain that you're not available at all hours for the business?!" So I explained what the numbers meant, and that every current customer's account balance info was there, so if they came in asking for their balance, then he'd have the info at the ready. Like I said, he looked like I'd trumped him. LOL LOL LOL
Hi!
My Ex-W and yur STBX-H should meet...maybe they'd get interested enough in each other that they'd leave us alone!
My EX pretty much has the same reaction about DS's ADHD medication. She's even called it "Meth" in front of DS and the doctor! The doc was flabergasted and I was furious.
Sure enough, it wasn't a month later that DS was asking me about "Meth"....Grrrr.
Funny though, at the last med-check, EX was spouting off how wonderful the meds are working and how great of a decision is was to change DS's meds from Ritalin to Concerta.
Add to that the fact that she doesn't want anyone that should know to know about his ADHD (like teachers, school counselors, etc.) which makes it impossible for them to deal with it.
I agree with your child's counselor, you should get it recorded in the counselor's notes and the prescribing doctor's notes that your STBX will not administer them.
Out of curiosity, what is your DS taking? How much? How old? I'm really surprised that you have having sleep issues....I only had those for maybe a week with my DS.
DS is 10, and is on 15 mg. of Adderall. He's never been a good sleeper. He never took a nap unless it was in the car. Last year, he was diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea, and had his adenoids and tonsils out. He doesn't snore anymore since the operation,but he hardly ever gets to sleep before 11 p.m. Last night was the first night that getting to sleep was "easy" for him. Tonight, he's had .50 mg. melatonin, and he's sleepy. I expect he'll be asleep by 10:30. Maybe we'll increase the dosage in a few days. I noticed today that he's been more alert, focused and generally more pleasant and helpful. I will report this to the pediatrician and to his counselor.
STBX calls the meds "coke" or "speed". It doesn't matter that DS does well on them; STBX doesn't understand how they work, even though we've had 2 or 3 sit-downs with a child psychiatrist and more sit-downs with the pediatrician, the social workers, and the counselor. He's just ignorant. He even called it speed to the child psychiatrist. :shaking head:
Edited 7/27/2006 10:22 pm ET by susieyippin
I hate your EX!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Well, technically, you can call Adderall "speed", but not "coke". My Ex called it coke once too, and I came down on her like a ton of bricks. Nevertheless. Grrrr...
You know, the sleep issue may also be that your DS does not tolerate Adderall well.
Adderall is a combination of dextroamphetamine and and amphetamines.
You may want to ask your doctor(s) about Concerta, which is based from Ritalin (methylphenidate). (Your Ex can then call it "meth" like mine does! LOL)
My DS's doctor says that he has had plenty of cases where kids react poorly on one and good on the other. It's kind of specific to certain kids.
Also, if your DS has a lot of allergies, you may want to look at the ingredient list of both medications. Sometimes there are inert ingredients that have a profound effect.
Here is the adderall website: http://www.adderallxr.com check out the "Prescribing Information", it should have the full ingredient list.
Here is the Concerta website: http://www.concerta.net
Hope this helps...
Thanks for the info, I'll ask the pediatrician about, although DS has had sleep problems since infancy and pre-meds. The kid lierally never slept, and his sleep cycle as a newborn was to sleep 20 minutes, be awake 20 minutes, sleep 20, awake 20... When he was a toddler, I would try to get him to take a nap by lying down with him. I was so exhausted from running around after him all day that *I'd* fall asleep and he'd sneak out of bed and run around while I was zonked out (that might explain the severe chronic fatigue I've had since DS was 3!). Like I said earlier, the only time I'd get him to take a nap was in the car, as I was running errands, which was not restful at all for either of us.
DS doesn't sleep regardless of being on meds. He did take a break from the meds last fall, and the sleep problems didn't go away. The only improvement in his sleep was when he had his adenoid surgery. Prior to that, he was infamous in the family for his loud snoring. I don't think he really had a full night's sleep until the tonsils and adenoids came out. After the surgery, no snoring, but no change in the staying awake until midnight. Every night prior to the melatonin experiment, DS would come out of his room at least 4 times a night, saying he coulddn't go to sleep. I'm hoping the melatonin will at least allow him to get some better sleeping habits. He has commented that now he can feel himself egtting sleepy, which has NEVER, EVER happened before.
I'm sure if I tell STBX about the melatonin, he'll accuse me of doping DS up. I take a lot of supplements for my chronic fatigue, and STBX tells me I'm a pill-popper (I don't take ANY presription meds at ALL).
susie - you know, i don't know your stbx but you do have to accept that there IS controversy about ritalin and concerta and even about the whole issue of ADD/ADHD. there are a lot of people who think that meds is not the way to go with these issues. (i am not just 'saying' this; my ds (now 20) was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 13, but i never really accepted that diagnose, and now i am even more unsure - i am not saying he doesn't have issues (he does) but i am not sure what they are exactly. at any rate, i never had him on ritalin, he was on antidepressents for a while but they just made things worse.).
you say that your son has problems falling asleep and sleeping - I am wondering if he gets enuf outdoors exercise during the day? it sounds like your DS is an intelligent kid and is taking some responsibility for his life which is very good - maybe this would help.
SK,
I'm curious, you said that your son was diagnosed with ADHD at 13, but you did not accept it. What was the reason that you did not accept it?
I'm not surprised that at 20, your DS has fewer symptoms. Management of ADHD in later life becomes more of a learned-self-control or self medication.
Hi SK,
Yes, I understand that meds may not be the way to go, and for over a year we tried other alternatives... dietary changes (still do some of those)... herbal remedies (all done under the guidance of my naturopath)... nutritional supplements... the meds help DS the most. The BIGGEST issue is STBX and his deep denial of ANYthing wrong. HE doesn't have an alcohol problem, it's ME not wanting him to have fun. According to him, I constantly over-react... what has come out in counseling is that he is so far in denial, that he doesn't react at ALL to anything, so anything that I try to do proactively is seen as over-reacting by him. (Literally anything!) STBX just simply does not see DS's behavior. When DS was setting fires in the backyard, and in the basement, STBX didn't think it was a problem-- just "boys being boys". In the meantime, DS's counselor and I thought DS needed to have intervention via family services, so the Family Stabilization Team got involved (thank goodness!). The 3 social workers that we (the entire family) worked with all saw that STBX was in denial, and that a big part of the problem is STBX's own substance abuse.
The thing is, STBX's family all exhibit signs of ADD or bipolar disorder... and they're all raging alcoholics. Plus they are all in denial of the drinking and any behavior issues of their own. Their behavior is so much like DS... and this is "normal" behavior for them... of course they and STBX wouldn't be able to see it-- and me as the "outsider" in the family, who was not raised in an alcoholic home-- I am the one who is looked at as not in the norm, because it is not "their" norm.
ok - now i see where you are both coming from. i didn't mean to insult you or anything - i hope that is not how it came across. your son definately has issues - i am just not a big advocate of the ADHD diagnose (i think its diagnosed to death) and the meds route that goes along with it.
I am not saying that you are doing the wrong thing - i am just very concerned about long term effects of the medication, and i believe that giving the kids the meds sends the parents/kids/teachers/society a certain message (that this is a chemical imbalance fo sorts) and the emotional side gets negelected. I don't have any answers - as i say, there is alot of controversy about it. i just didn't understand why your STBX was reacting the way he was reacting but now i get it.
what i have noticed is that these kids need extra stability in their lives. i noticed this with DS - that the thing that helped him most (beyond meds, therapy, whatever) was the quiet, healthy, stable home that i was able to provide him with after i left my ex.
hugs and good luck
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