Admitting defeat...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Admitting defeat...
3
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 8:47pm

H and I have been together nearly 5 years, married for almost 4. To go into all the details would be time-consuming, but it's been a battle almost the entire marriage. The short of it is that he has some serious issues from his childhood that basically control him now. He is unwilling to change, and I've finally given up hoping that it will. I love him completely, but I can't take his behavior any longer. Anyway, we have been separated for about a month now. We were trying to work on things up until this past Tuesday, when I realized that it would never work. He thinks he's just fine and I should just accept the way things are. I think I deserve better. The hard part is that when you love someone, you want them to be happy, even if that's not with you, and I know that he'll never be happy until he deals with his personal demons. He is not a bad person and as much as I'd like to hate him, I can't.

I'm feeling so many emotions right now - relief, and guilt at feeling relief, trepidation at being alone again, and, of course, intense sadness. I miss him terribly, but I will not let myself call him. I have to break away. Knowing him, he'll call me within 2 months, but unless he's willing to change, it won't matter.

Now I'm trying to get on with my life. I have a 12 yo DS from a previous marriage, but he lives with his dad. I have a great new place; well, it will be great when I can get myself motivated enough to get everything put away. I'm anxious to move on, but don't know how to do it. I hate going out alone and all my friends are married or in a relationship. I'm a teacher, so I have the summer off, but I am working a PT job, which helps get me out of the house daily. I try to keep going as much as possible, but once I get home, all I want to do is crawl under the covers and read a book or watch TV. I guess that's not so bad a thing right now. But eventually I want to get out and have a life - any ideas on how I can accomplish that???

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 9:48pm
Why does your DS live with your ex?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 10:15pm
DS lives his own father, my first husband. This was my second marriage. DS wanted to go live with his father about a year ago. He's not far away, just not here with me all the time. You know how much boys need their dads!


Edited 7/7/2005 10:24 pm ET ET by befuddledlife
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 5:56am

i think