advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2006
advice
4
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 11:58pm

I haven't been married, but was with my x for 6 years. We have 2 young kids together. He left us in october of this year. We have continued having sex. I know stupid stupid stupid!!! He just knows the right things to say and I am so lobely that when he comes over I am so happy to talk to someone that is not 4 or 1. He will say things to me that are very mixed signals. One minute he is happy and the next he tells me I should move with him when he moves and was looking at big houses (nore than one room) on the internet with me. Kept asking me if I liked them. Then the other day I told him that this (pointing to my body) was no longer his. He kept saying "we'll see".

He has had 2 girlfriends since our breakup. I know he is still sleeping with one girl. I feel hw left this relationship to go party and be single. He rarely has his kids and when he does it is when I ask him to take them. Otherwise he is having a great life of partying with no responsibilities. He will never keep our 1 year old overnight due to him not having a crib. I think he just doesn't want me to go out and find another guy.

So my question is.... Is he just getting a break from me and the kids and when he is done feels like he can come back to me? Or is he just a crap father that wants just sex from me?

I need advice please. I feel as though the longer he is gone the more I am moving on and will not tak him back if that is what he is doing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
In reply to: aerdna22006
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 11:50am
you gotta stand up for yourself & your body - i hope if nothing else, you are using protection when you are having sex w/him - it is a dangerous situation if not...you can play games like that in highschool, but once adults & there are children involved, you've gotta be more responsible & act like an adult - by not standing up for yourself or respecting yourself, your going to teach your children things that you don't want to...as far as him using the crib as an excuse...give me a break!!! get a playpen at walmart for $50 & call it a day!! if you are straddled w/the kids all the time, not getting the benefit of a husband/partner that is responsible & helping you to pay the bills & take care of the children and he is still getting you to have sex w/him or even thinking about taking him back, your giving yourself the short end of the stick...the question of the day is, if you are really doing all on your own now, what do you need him for??? if it's sex, then find someone who you don't have to share the responsibility of children w/, that will take you out, have a good time & at least show some potential of being able to give you more in the future...settling is beyond what you are doing w/this guy...not trying to mean or make you feel bad - and i know alot of women play these games w/these guys, but you are truly selling yourself short & confusing your children in the process...good luck w/the courage & strength that you will need to pull yourself out of the trap...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
In reply to: aerdna22006
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 9:30pm
He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Let him find his cake somewhere else. Otherwise he will continue to string you along. You deserve much more than that. I would tell him he needs to purchase a crib before he continues to spend anymore money on any more women to date. Hugs to you -- be strong and turn him away! And when the time comes that you're ready to date, please know that there are actually many decent men out there! Belinda
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
In reply to: aerdna22006
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 11:03pm

"So my question is.... Is he just getting a break from me and the kids and when he is done feels like he can come back to me? Or is he just a crap father that wants just sex from me?"

This isn't even an "either...or" question. "Is he just getting a break from me and the kids and when he is done feels like he can come back to me" equals "Is he just a crap father that wants just sex from me." You know this.

I agree with the other posters. Lift yourself up. You are better than this. I don't even have to meet you to know that.

Good luck! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
In reply to: aerdna22006
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 2:42am
Be careful........I played similar games with my stbx of 29 years. married him three times. This last three years have been so good as far as how we got along that I had decided he had mellowed on some of his other issues and we would indeed grow old together. kind of alonely marriage but I was used to it and we got comfortable. So I thought . now he says the last three years that he had been looking on yahoo personals and had only been staying ashe was afraid I would charge our adult son rent. Give me a break! Of course I would. he is way past the age of grown up.
So what why didnt he just help him and not live here. We had a good sex life so I am assuming he was here for that too and to be near his kids. and was comfortable in his home. now he has been having an online and phone affair with an old girlfried of 30 years ago. and he says he loves her.
I am still having sex with him occasionally. sometimes I do it to spite the other woman
tho she doesnt know about it .......I hope they do marry someday. (oh by the way she is married ) I will lure him into bed with me. I am sooooooo mad. He has filed for divorce.
but hey is that plan healthy for me? of course not!
I dont think we should be having ANY thing to do with these men. I was dished out mixed signals for many years. it just goes on and on !
Take care of yourself. Stop to think if this is fair to you. I think we both know we are not getting treated right at all.
perhaps we can move on one of these days. I have so much anger, pain, abandonment, fear and just alot of painful issues about this. I wont be healthy for sometime to get into another relationship .....ha especially where I still sleep with him. Yes that makes me like her but only in a way as he was my H for almost three decades till she came along.
He is living here as we cant right now afford to live separately.
I think his dying love for this married woman has caused me to lose all respect I ever had for him. he only knew her for six months and it was 30 years ago.
I hope someday I can tell her to her face how I feel about what she has done to our family. his adult children have lost alot of respect for him.
For me the years just drug on and on. and at times I was happy but he played all those on again off again things with my emotions. so just be careful and try to stay aware of what is happening. I am sure my stbx stayed for the kids when we had bad times.