Advice about XH and financing with BF

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
Advice about XH and financing with BF
Sat, 04-06-2013 - 7:59am


I come from the BS Board and was looking for some advice.  My XH cheated on me and we divorced.  He was court ordered to take me off mortgage as he slammed his fist down on table in court demanding to stay in “His house.” He refused to sell it, stating as HE HAD TO STAY IN HIS HOUSE!!!

He never took me off mortgage and stopped paying July 2012.  He is now in middle of short selling it.  I now have a bad credit score b/c of XH.  I sent divorce decree to Mortgage Company and credit bureaus to no avail…They said basically that they don’t care what divorce decree states.

My BF and I are looking to buy a house and we were denied financing b/c of me.  The second bank has suggested that he get financing on his own (which he can do, but we wanted to do this together). 

Question One: Do I take XH back to court for contempt? My divorce lawyer said it is a waste of time and money as judge cannot fix credit scores or order mortgage company to take my name off.  I will only get it on record that XH should have taken me off mortgage. Ya think?????????????????

BF’s lawyer said that is wrong advice and he suggests I take XH back to court.  He is offering to represent me and ask that XH pay for my fees.  I cannot stand XH and the thought of being in same room with him makes me ill.  I have emails from him in the past stating that he would go above and beyond to ruin my life. 

Question two:  Do I allow bf to buy house in his name and move in with him?  I will be paying half mortgage and want to know my rights.  I do not want to be living there and have him chuck me out in a few years with all my money down the tubes (Not that he would but when I married XH, I never thought he would be sleeping with another woman the whole time we were married).  If I marry bf, is the house now a marital asset and I am entitled to half??? Bank suggested he be on mortgage and both of us be on deed.  BF and I want to make sure we are both safe (His X screwed him also).

Because our X’s screwed us over, we are looking to do a prenup when we marry.  We agreed if it doesn’t work out he will take what he had and I do the same (He has a lot of rental property and a vacation home I want nothing to do with if we split, I have a good retirement plan, wealthy family, ect.)  Any suggestions would be really great.  Thanks Christy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Sat, 04-06-2013 - 9:49am

  Sorry to hear about your xH and what he did to you, but it sounds like you and your BF both have the right idea in regards to a pre-nup. I would think a legal agreement between the 2 of you could be drawn up stating what would happen if you were to split.Dh and I were going to do a "Tenants in Common" document which states that both parties own the house, but, in the event it doesn't work out, both parties would take out what they put in.  Since you have separate checking accounts, this could be documented by the payments you each make from your own account.  My dh and I were going to do this, but decided to get married the day before the closing.  Crazy, I know.  lol

I'm sure other posters, such as Music, who is a lawyer can give you even better advice. 

Good luck!


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 04-06-2013 - 10:44am

OK, here I am.  I think I would have a consultation w/ your BF's lawyer just to see what he thinks might happen if you took your ex to court for contempt.  Would the judge be likely to fine him as well as having him pay your atty's fees?  I just took over a case in the middle where my client was ordered not to text her STBXH unless it had to do with visitation--she sent him 100's of texts because she is a nut.  The judge fined her $500 and had her pay $100 for STBXH's atty's fees.  She obviously stopped the texting but the guy had to take time out of work so the $500 that he got probably didn't mean that much to him, but he wanted the texting stopped.  I think the time to take him to court for the contempt would have been if he had a deadline to refinance & take your name off & he didn't meet that deadline--the the judge could have ordered him to put the house up for sale.  Or if there was no deadline, then you could have done it as soon as he stopped paying the mortgage (but maybe you weren't aware).  Now  that it's too late, but at least he has made arrangements for the short sale, there might not be a point--unless the bank comes after you for a deficiency.  In that case, then I definitely would take him to court to make him pay it.  You are right that the bank doesn't care what you agreed on in your divorce because your name is still on the note so they have a right to go after you.

Now as far as living w/ your BF, if he agrees to put your name on the deed even though only your name is on the mortgage, then you would be 50% owner of the property so 1) he could not kick you out and 2) you would be entitled to 1/2 if you split up.  I think if only he gives a down payment or you give unequal amounts of money, then you should write up a document spelling that out & saying that if the house is sold, the person gets back their down payment before the house is divided up.  I think a prenup in a 2nd marriage is a really good idea.  If for some reason he didn't put your name on the deed and you weren't married, then I think you should look at the payment to him a rent--maybe then you should not be paying 1/2 of the mortgage because you aren't married & he is going to be able to take tax deductions for the interest & taxes that you won't get.  It's not like you would be paying "for nothing" cause you would have to pay rent to live somewhere.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
Sun, 04-07-2013 - 8:13am

Thank you Music and Starting over!!!!

Thanks for the advice.  I feel much better now that by BF and I have some options so neither one of us gets screwed.  Even though we have had our ups and downs and he sometimes irritates me (and I irritate him), he is a good guy and we love each other dearly.

I know that the mortgage company is not going to come after XH and me for the deficiency but we have to file a 1099 on it.  So I can take him back to court to pay all of the taxes maybe?  There was no deadline for him to get me off mortgage.  I knew something was up when he filed for bankruptcy but my divorce lawyer kept telling me “No worries” and that my decree was the Holy Grail…

XH makes $80,000 a year, filed for bankruptcy last year and has not paid the mortgage since July of last year.  He claimed he could not afford a $1400/month mortgage; yet he just moved into a high rise condominium building and is renting at $1550/month. He tells everyone how broke he is…. 

Thanks again..Christy

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Mon, 04-08-2013 - 10:37pm

Hindsight being 20/20, I would never have agreed to allow him to keep the house. I would have insisted it be sold and therefore removed from your credit report as a result.

I'd see another attorney with skills and knowledge in divorce AND bankruptcy and get their take on how to execute your divorce agreement before I threw in the towel on taking legal action against your EX.

That said, I would ask if the house you want to buy with your BF can be DEEDED to both of you even if your name isn't on the loan. You'd also be wise to ask a divorce attorney what would happen to this new house, if you married your boyfriend vs. lived together. My guess is it would be considered maritial property and you would have to share equally in any debt or profit from the house if it was sold in a divorce agreement.

 You may also have to consider bankruptcy to liberate yourself from the maritial home and get a chance to rebuild your credit. Give careful thought to this, however, especially if you work or want to work in financial services of any kind. Good luck.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 04-26-2013 - 4:13pm

i stumbled upon this and there are several ways of working it.  Talk individually to financial planners go sue for damages because if you were to be off the mortgage and he did not now you are suffering damages.  I strongly suggest not only a prenup but a lease agreement.  So say if BF buys the house you Lease it.  That protects you from being out but do pay a rent which protects his interest if say, you decide not to marry and beyond.  First thing is to deal with your X  while keeping the house may have been good not getting your name off the mortgage(assuming he could) and causing this damage has had negative consequences.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
Wed, 05-15-2013 - 2:40pm

Thank you for your replies.  We have decided to put the house and deed in Boyfriend’s name and we will sign a lease agreement stating that I am a renter until the legal stuff with XH is over. 

I have another question…The realtor came by to have me sign paperwork as there is a buyer interested in XH’s house (As you know I am still on mortgage but not deed).  The realtor stated that since I am not on the deed, I do not own the house; therefor I do not need to sign the purchase and sales agreement.  Does this mean I am not going to have to file a 1099 on the difference of money? Just XH will???

On a better note, I was creeping on OW Facebook as she has an open page and lo and behold, there was XH.  She bought a bakery and had a pic of him in front of it holding a cupcake with a big smile on his ugly face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks a bunch!!  Christy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2014
Sun, 03-16-2014 - 12:22am

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