Advice Needed

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2007
Advice Needed
2
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 2:47pm
I can relate to almost all of these messages. My husband comes from a divorced family where the father turned all of the children against their mother. This is so frightening for me as we have 3 children 11 and younger. The last straw was when he told me yesterday that he just likes to do things to bug the crap out of me. In my head I know it is time, but am afraid of how he will conduct himself as a divorced parent. I need to know how much money I should have in the bank before proceeding, will I lose health ins (I am a teacher, but covered under him)and lose our house (paid off in 9 years). I thought I could hang in there until the kids were gone, but something in me snapped when he said that (among other things). I am smart enough to know this isn't healthy and when we did counseling he lied. Sorry to vent - confused and mad at myself for picking someone like this. I feel bad for doing this to 3 wonderful children, but I cannot possibly live with someone whose values are so different from mine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
In reply to: bookgal_3
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 4:59pm

I am no proponent of divorce as you may have discovered by reading my past posts. I also turn a very skeptical eye to the justification that it is healthier for kids to live with a "good" divorce than a "mediorce" marriage. Maybe it is better for the adults, but I don't buy that it is better for the kids. Parents are adults who can compromise, work very hard at their relationships and even find fulfillment in other areas of their lives while living and a passable marriage.

That said, it sounds to me, from your brief intro that your H isn't willing to work on it and, in fact, has it in for you --trying to bait you, etc. Mediocre is one thing, deliberately cruel or destructive is another.

Without counseling and serious work on his part I suspect you may be approaching a point where divorce truly would be better for the children and you.

If you aren't in therapy for yourself, try it out for awhile before you make a decision. Also, find an attorney and learn about your rights. Gather all family financial information you can and review it with an attorney.

If you aren't working outside the home, start looking into career options, educational prospects etc.

Those are my thoughts!

Hugs to you!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2007
In reply to: bookgal_3
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 5:15pm
Thank you so much. I have hit a wall and know it is time to prepare for D. I appreciate your comments.