Advice Please
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| Wed, 01-16-2008 - 6:46am |
Hi there. My husband and I are currently in the process of planning for our separation. I am a student and we have 2 small children so once my schooling is done in 3 months and I get a job, he will move out. It has all been very amicable as we really are best friends, but this is a reality now. We told the children this week. There was crying but this quickly turned to a discussion about their fears and how we can alleviate those. It's almost all going TOO smoothly. Not that I'm complaining but there is a stereotype out there of it being horrible. I'm almost waiting for the other shoe to drop I guess.
My question is....can anyone offer me advice as to things I should be doing to get things in order? Tips on how to get through the emotional heartache of it? Parenting through a divorce...that kind of thing?
Thank you so much in advance.

Once you physically separate, it will not go so well, at least in the beginning. And perhaps, being physically close (in the same house) still leaves the fantasy that the end isn't really coming. It must be confusing for the children, 3 months is a long time for them to build up the hope that what you said wasn't really going to happen.
I have not heard of a divorce that wasn't nasty at some point or another.
Remember, while living together you both have 100% access to the kids. That WILL change when one of you moves out. And, perhaps one of you starts dating, I dont care how much you "hate" the other spouse, its always hard to see and deal with. Another person around your kids... All of that.
Also, if you work things out (IE living arrangements, child visitations, child support and all that, make sure its on paper or email or anything. then you can refer to it later. Men are good about saying they will pay, until they have every other weekend and pay, they hate that)
Best of luck
Liz
I stayed connected with my EX for 4 yrs! I was still very much in love with him...it wasn't until he started his first relationship since the separation, did I really feel alone!
What an eye opening experience.