Advice from those already thru divorce?
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| Tue, 07-11-2006 - 12:41am |
I'll tell my story at another time, but right now, I need advice. I'm on the verge of obtaining a legal separation (in N.C.) and want to be sure that I've addressed all the important issues (regarding fiances). I've addressed alimony, child support, personal property, our cars, our home, marital bills, health insurance for DD (including co-pays and non-covered costs), help w/ a car for DD @ 16 (if I think she deserves it), college costs after graduation. Is there anything I'm forgetting? I'm trying not to use money as a way to "punish" STBX, but he earns SO much more than I do. I don't want to make a mistake and not ask for something that I am entitled to. I've got a DD that needs to be taken care of.
Thanks in advance for your advice,
Renee

You need to be prepared to negiotiate. You "entitlement" is a purely legal issue, so stick to the legal issues.
Alimony -- is probably set based on a standard computation for your state. And, by the way, alimony shows up as income to you and is deductable to your stbx.
Child Support -- is probably set based on a standard computation for your state. Child support is not deductable.
Assets and debt -- is going to be split right down the middle, including retirement accounts.
Child health care -- will probably be computed based on who can get insurance for her, and then factored into the child support payment level. So, lets say only the stbx can get insurance, then this cost will be deducted from his child support payment. And the uncovered costs will probbaly be yours, or will be factored in as a deduction to his child support payment.
The car and Car insurance for dd -- good luck on this one. This is a "nice to have". Your stbx and his lawyer would have to be idiots to codify this.
College costs -- again, This is a "nice to have". Your stbx and his lawyer would have to be idiots to codify this. There will probably be language along the lines of the two of you will try to the best of your abilities.
When negotiating, remember that time translates directly into money both you and your stbx are spending on lawyers (and not dd). And the lawyers would like nothing more than to see you and your stbx endlessly agrue about college costs and the car. And when its all said and done, you and your stbx will have blown those monies on lawyers instead of your daughter.
My advice is to rigidly stick to the legal standards in your area. Give in immediately on the "nice to haves". Allow your stbx to expand alimony instead of child support, so he gets the tax break.
If the divorce goes fast, it will be cheaper. And in the long run, he won't carry a grudge regarding how much money was wasted on lawyers arguing about non-required support (so he moght actually have the money to give to your dd for college and a car).
Thanks for the advice. Actually, the things I've listed have already been agreed on. Yes, maybe the car would be a "nice to have", but college (if she'll go) is a necessity in this day and age. I'm just racking my brain to make sure I haven't "forgotten" something. After 15 years of marriage (17 years together), I never thought I'd have to plan to finish raising my DD alone. STBX cheated on me, is shacking up w/ the OW and now she is pregnant. He's shown that he'll throw over one family to start another. I need to be sure my DD is financially "looked after" and am terrified of not having it all legally documented.
Thanks again
Renee
Mom to
Miranda (14 yrs old, dancer for 11 years)
It sounds like you either have no lawyer, or you do not trust your lawyer. Both are bad.
Get council you trust. Checking p's and q's, and dotting i's and crossing t's are what they are supposed to do.
It sounds like, for better or worse, you will ultimately be responsible for your daughter's welfare. So you will want to position yourself to become independent as quickly as possible.
If your stbx attempts to fully abandon you and your daughter, he can and will. He may face financial and punative damages as a consequence. A "legal" documents only provide a mechanism to pursue remidies through the courts. They will not guarantee his performance. You cannot codify his behaviour.
As to the college thing -- I agree with you. But that's typically not the "law". My intent is that you focus on the things you can get with guidelines and precident. If you pursue support elements that are not normally ordered or prescribed by state law, such as college, you are in for long and costly challenge. And in the end, it is your daughter who loses.
As to STBX's behaviour -- yes it is reprehensible, but he's done nothing illegal. So the courts typically don't care.
Get what you can, as quickly as you can, and move on. Your stbx is heading down a bad path, and you do not want any part of it. So the more time you can put between his new life and yours, the better.
Renee
Mom to
Miranda (14 yrs old, dancer for 11 years)
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Renee
Mom to
Miranda (14 yrs old, dancer for 11 years)
That's great... but you'd better spell that out in your agreement.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~