Advice, Thoughts, Anything.. Insecure Spouse

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2011
Advice, Thoughts, Anything.. Insecure Spouse
6
Thu, 12-29-2011 - 3:02pm

Hello.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
Thu, 12-29-2011 - 6:04pm

I think you need to do something now.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Thu, 12-29-2011 - 6:14pm

Pippa,

Hi. My question would be this: Did your MIL cheat on your FIL? Very often a spouse who comes from a family where the mother and father have experienced infidelity will go into adulthood believing whomever they marry will do the same thing. I'd be curious to know whether that happened to your husband's parents.

I also think it would be a very good idea for the two of you to see a marriage counselor. Your husband may not even realize how his mistrust is affecting your relationship with him. He needs to see that you feel as rejected as he

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2011
Fri, 12-30-2011 - 1:17pm
evil_01, You are exactly right. These wounds are killing my marriage. I told him this over 6 months ago, but it continues. The apologies always come after the damage has been done. He doesn't want counseling, and at this point, I think it may be too late anyway. I love him, but I can't be in love with someone that treats me this way over & over. I'm just trying to hang in for the kids. They're not directly affected as we don't fight in front of them, but I know they probably do notice when their dad in is a bad mood.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2011
Fri, 12-30-2011 - 1:34pm
wisdometooth2020, My in-laws have been happily married (as far as I know) for 50 years. Husband blames his insecurity on a girlfriend that cheated on him many, many years ago. He was just out of high school. I don't accept that since he cheated on me early on in our relationship. I forgave him & we eventually married. I don't think he's been unfaithful since. He's obsessed. I originally thought it was because I was going out or even away on a long weekend with friends, but I had to go out of town for a conference with a female coworker & I got the same reaction. Then he had to go on a business trip for a couple of weeks & somehow it was turned around & he was insecure about being gone, while I'm home taking care of our kids, working & everything else.

We do go out together as a couple and with friends as a group. We have very little in common, so when we go out together, there are awkward moments of silence when we run out of things to talk about, which is usually our kids. I just feel like giving up. I probably already have. I was hoping to find someone in a similar situation. I don't know what else to do. I didn't even get into his internet snooping in my original email, but he has mentioned computer forensics in the middle of an argument before. There's nothing I am hiding, but if I even find out he has installed something like that, it will be the end. I don't see how this could remotely come close to loving someone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Sun, 01-01-2012 - 1:18pm

He is insecure because he assumes you are capable of cheating, since he himself is capable of cheating.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2011
Mon, 01-02-2012 - 9:48am
Paranoia is exactly right. I really don't believe he is cheating. I think I could handle that better than the paranoia. I just don't know how much more of it I can take. I don't want to get to the point where we hate one another. He will be in my life forever one way or another because of our children.