Advice On What To Do On Ex's Wedding Day

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2006
Advice On What To Do On Ex's Wedding Day
6
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 2:42pm

My XH (of only 55 days)is getting married on the 30th. My 2 older kids (DS-18 & DD-22) have not decided yet if they are going to attend. Havent told DS (8) yet. I asked him (ex) to wait until after christmas.

I need some advice on what to do with myself on that day. Alcohol induced sleep has come to mind, but I don't want to feel like poop the next day. This is very hard on me, as we were married 24 years and don't understand how he can do this so quickly.

Suggestions? Please keep me in your prayers.......




Edited 12/22/2006 2:51 pm ET by cantbelieveit2006
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
I am so sorry. My husband also just told me a couple weeks ago that he loves another woman. And he said he didnt think she would leave her husband BUT to remember he had had two heart attacks.
I am angry and extremely hurt. Some days I start crying the minute I wake up.
My DD is taking this hard too and said she will not ever talk to this woman. I told her to not be angry at her dad. That this is my hurt not hers but it does make the kids angry when they do this stuff to their mother.
I am not sure what I would or will do on his wedding day. Hopefully by then I wont care anymore.
One thing that comes to mind is to sit and write down all the bad things he did to you and then pretend to send it to her as a wedding gift LOL
Love yourself!!! Do something wonderful for yourself that day. Go shopping if you can.......buy a lovely nighty and dream of new romance.
Somehow we cant let a grudge ruin our lives.
Last night I went to Yahoo Greetings and read positive cards to myself EVEN ones that said how much I love you to myself....... LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2006

Thanks for your response. I like the idea of writing down all the bad things he did to me, and that list would include her (as she was the OW). I would love to send it to her, but she would probably just get a kick out of me giving her space in my head.

I have told my older kids that it is their decision. Don't base it on what they think I would want them to do. It is a week away, and they still haven't decided. Their dad told them it was up to them and he wouldn't be mad if they didn't want to go. But we all know he would have his feelings hurt.

This is OW's 3rd marriage. We'll see how long this one lasts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006

Hi,


This is always hard especially when your divorce is so recent. I like the suggestions the others have given you (the writing the list is a good "cleansing" exercise but I advise against sending it to anyone.)


On my first Valentine's Day alone I threw a party for the janitors in my building. I know that sounds corny but I didn't want to be home alone and decided to do something else to make someone else's day. They loved it! (I still cried when I got home, but I forgot about myself for that hour of the party).


I recommend seeing a movie (a comedy), getting a manicure/haircut, or take a short trip out of town to a neighboring city and take your son to a children's museum (if he's with you), or whatever you enjoy doing that will take your mind off the day.


Granted, none of this will change the fact your ex is so quickly remarrying, but once you get through the day, it will get easier.


P.S. Her third marriage? What is he thinking? LOL!


Good luck!

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003

If you can arrange it, perform some kind of community service on that day. It will keep your mind off of "stinking thinking", and help you as a person.

As for the kids, you shouldn't have to tell them at all, XH should be doing all of the talking.

If he's getting married so soon, you can pretty much guarantee he'll be divorced just as quickly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006

My ex was an SOB and didn't marry right away (though he was with her before we separated) and I still had a hard time on his wedding day and I was NOT prepared for that.

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003

I'd been divorced more than 2 years and my ex's remarriage was still tough. A friend of mine asked if I wanted to go on a trip outside of town and I took her up on it. She is a long-time friend and it was helpful to have her shake me out of it anytime I started getting negative. She helped me get through the day - and being out of town for most of it really helped.

I did return to town the evening of the wedding - and a good thing I did, too. There had been talk of my son staying with his cousins another night - so I was thinking that was the way it was going to go.

Since my son is 6 (and also a high-functioning autistic), he did get pretty tired of the wedding after the ceremony was over. He had to get up early to attend a wedding rehearsal, then had been expected to help get things set up the day of the wedding, then go get dressed in a little tux and be part of the ceremony. A very long, long day for him. He did get a chance to play some with his cousins, thank goodness.

At the wedding, they had him in the receiving line. I do not know how many people were there, but my son said he got very tired of shaking hands. My ex-sister-in-law could tell he'd had enough and that he was getting overwhelmed, so she took him to her hotel room and called me up so I could come get him. When I got my son, he was crying a lot. I had to just sit and hold him for awhile while he cried before he'd get dressed to go. It was a very emotional day for him and my heart ached for him, but there wasn't much I could do about it except be there for him when he needed me that night. I am still upset that my ex and nw didn't take his autism into account and make the day easier on him.

This sort of thing is hard - the people getting married are so excited about it, the kids are unsure of what to do or think. My son was mad for most of this year because he didn't want his Dad to get remarried. That he finally seems to have accepted it is great.

Hang in there - find something to do that you love. See some good friends! This too will pass. : )