Affording this - former Stay at Home Mom. How does it work w/$$$?

Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Affording this - former Stay at Home Mom. How does it work w/$$$?
7
Sat, 10-01-2011 - 1:36pm

So I go out & hire an attorney & he later does the same.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
Your first appt with attorney is a consult only. You don't have to pay until you actually hire him/her. During your consult Atty will tell you about custody, alimony, child support, etc. You will know what to do when you leave the office.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Considering the way the economy is now and how difficult jobs are to find, I'd say if you can get a full time job, take it!

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

post I stress a tax attorney and CPA.

dragowoman

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004

Hi,

I think you may be jumping the gun if you run and file for divorce without putting yourself in a better position first.

You never did say why you wanted a divorce. Or, perhaps you did, and I don't recall. But my first question is always: what work have YOU done to make your marriage better OR to make your life more fulfilling?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

Most decent attorneys ask for money up front to get started.

Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Thanks, everyone. I want this b/c we just can NOT communicate. I married the wrong person & I have been miserable for a number of years. I also feel a little mentally & emotionally abused. Being a quiet person who is not real social, he often uses things like Sighs, Eyerolling, Sarcasm, Talking to Himself "that I am/not supposed to hear"....... He def. uses these to get to me --- Passive aggressiveness. He has learned this over time so that I can not respond to him or stand up for myself b/c it is not overtly aggressive. I've told him to stop this more than once. I've told him to say things to my face. But he won't do it b/c he doesn't see the bene. to himself. It's convenient for him to use these noises. What does he care that it hurts my feelings & has for years? He says he sees no reason to stop. I'm just getting sick of it. Bottom line: Our communication sux. There are NO means for us to work out problems. He gets mean when I speak up for myself or have an opinion diff. from his or want to address a problem betw. us. He starts saying I AM the problem - that I didn't bring up problems, there would not be any. ie. I MUST be passive, or it causes problems. Marital counselor tried to tell us --- about 18 yrs ago. He wondered how we'd address problems. We both just laughed & laughed. I figure i was a MUCH MORE PASSIVE person years back --- that's prolly what he thought I'd always be. Unf., that's not my goal & it makes it hard b/c I've long worked to be a more assertive person ---- but to stay in this marriage - I have to go back the other way...... :( and, btw, he says counseling is a waste of time. I think it is just too uncomfortable for him to use words to address problems. Can't get away w/just sighing in therapy. I've long believed in therapy. Like going to the gym & working out. But then I come from a very stable background, having a been brought up in a LeaveittoBeaver home. No home is perfect, but it is a sad, sad world when someone like me....is the one considered "messed up".
Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
& also, he IS a good father. He loves those girls way more than me! I've been jealous for years!

I've also tried to tell him that the girls SEE his sighing, etc. (disrespect) of me - it comes out in all sorts of ways.

He poopoo's that.

I try & tell him that these girls are going to grow up & assume that is normal --- and expect to be disrespected by their husbands & expect that their kids will take top bill.

It's not often that a wife complains abt the husband paying toooo much attention to the kids over her. and no, he's not sleeping w/them, so don't go that direction~