After 14 years Married he wants a Div...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
After 14 years Married he wants a Div...
2
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 1:46am

Hi Everyone I'm not sure if this is the best place to post this
but i need to vent and get advice somewhere
after 14 years married and 15 years together he has told me he wants a divorce....
mainly because we can't agree on how to disapline our 8 year old daughter who has ADHD.
there are other issues too like my lack of sex drive i could go weeks without it and it doesn't bother me one bit a week goes by he's flipping out....I got married young 18 he was 24 and alot of people were agianst us getting married but we loved each other we waited 5 years before our first child was born
he's got an Anixity disorder from being in the Army
and is very metally abusive to me and our two kids
I should also mention I'm 6 moths Pregnant with our 3rd child....
My whole family don't understand why i put up with him this long even his family has said it to me too how can i put up with the way he treats me......
there have been good points like there was never any cheating no physical abuse so i figured i got a good thing here why mess with it but's at a boiling point now that it seems like it really is the end this time I'm going to be 32 years old the middle of this month I've spent almost half my life with this man how do i go on????..he hasn't worked in over a year and i've supported us but i'm going out on Maternity leave next month I'll be getting Disablity but it won't be enough to make sure me and kids are takin care of..I'm sorry if i rambling but my mind has been racing for days and i need some advice on how to handle this all should i go into councling by myself we did marriage councling for years it seemed to help while going but it seems to be a never ending cycle....anyway i need to get some sleep but any adivce is welcomed.

Thanks
Mindy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 8:32am

Welcome. You came to the right place.

I only have a minute, so will be brief.

Find a good lawyer; learn what the laws are in your state.

Certainly see if you can hold things together until you go back to work. Give yourself some time with the baby.

You have been supporting the family so you can if you separate. At least you won't be supporting him. Hopefully a court would not award him spousal support. If he does get a job he will owe you child support. If he has a clear, diagnosed psychological impairment you are likely to get full custody if that is a concern (but, I would check with a lawyer; I am not a lawyer).

Yes, indiv. counseling will help tremendously; you need the support.

Sounds like he may be initiating it, but you need it! That is kinda my situation. My only real sadness is that my kids adore their dad and he is a loving dad and we are going to be in financial crisis because I am a sahm. I wanted to stay home with my kids more than anything and am losing that dream.

Gl to you and go see a lawyer. You are strong; you have the support of both families and friends. You can do this and maybe he will become stronger once he is forced to be on his own and can be a better co-parent than husband.

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2007
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 2:46am
first off im gunna respond to NYMAVA, dont go seek a lawyer, what you do need to do is go seek a councaler with your husband and fix things now,, it kinda sounds like from reading your post , your the one who wants the divorce, honestly try working things out first and if you think im kidding goodluck in ther future being divorced and having all that baggage, because that is gunna be worce than being married, trust me, im going threw that right now and so is my ex-wife who filed for the divorce, just remeber when you hear the phrase WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND, they are not kidding and things will never get better and more advise is you need to knock your family and friends out of the picture because thats gunna cause a whole new nightmare between you and him and can go on and on about this but your gunna do what you want anyway, they have been doing surveys for the past 20 years and 80% of couples who divorce say they wish they have stayed together, just keep that in mind , goodluck to you and get some help before you get evil lawyers involved