After 16 years he cheated and left.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2007
After 16 years he cheated and left.
6
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 1:35pm

I am a newly divorced 41 year old with a 4 year old daughter named Daisy & a 6 year old son named Jackson. We were living in Costa Rica alone for three months (without then husband/father) while he stayed behind to finish up work. While we suffered thru ER visits, I was robbed, my son was in the hospital for 3 days for a closed-up ear, I was sleeping with a 24" machete by my bed for safety...he was here in the States having an affair. He came down to Costa to finally live with us, but he had had other plans. He stayed for two days, acted as though nothing was wrong, then told me he wanted a divorce. My BFF had to tell about the affair part, of course.

Now, I am jobless and have been forced to start all over again. For the first 5 months, I was cool and actually kinda tickled at starting my new life, but that has worn off. In it's place is raw fear. Anxiety. Sadness.

Is it normal to have such a delayed reaction to such trauma?

Thanks. I'm new here and hope to find lots of new friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2006
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 3:31pm

The feelings come when they come. Don't judge yourself for them. First of all, welcome and you will find comfort and companionship here. Second, find a professional to talk to. You are going through an enormous life change and no matter how positive it may be - that is stressful.

My situation is somewhat similar to yours and I can tell you somedays I feel strong, able to take on the world and excited to make a new life and other days I feel frightened and unable to do the most simple things. I think sometimes, I am staying strong and positive for the kids and every once and a while, it catches up to me. We have to mourn the loss of our relationship and our past life.

But there is light and life after all this. You are strong. You have your children. You will be okay. Allow yourself the emotions that come and reach out when you need to.

Best of luck and keep posting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 11:06am

Sure it's normal.... normal is for as long as it takes!


I hope that you can find a place where you at least feel safe.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2007
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 12:29pm
Thank you so much. I started therapy today and was prescribed Ativan and Zoloft. Hope these will help me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 12:33pm
It's definitely good to explore the alternatives when we hit a big speed bump :-)

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 3:07pm
Yes, it is called Shock.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2007
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 4:17pm
Yep. Thanks!