Am I being paranoid?
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| Tue, 08-02-2005 - 11:58am |
My ex has a new girlfriend that lives about 45 minutes from here. When he doesn't have the kids he is over there and takes the kids there as well on his weekends. I am worried that if he decides to move there he will want to take the kids there too.
I really don't want to jump the gun worrying, but he has a tendency to just go ahead and make decisions. I really don't want to be without my kids during the week and I sure don't want them taken out of their school and away from their grandparents, home, and friends.
If he decides this I worry that he'll try to take full custody. I'm afraid he'll use the fact that he's got a two parent family to offer them and I don't. Also he'll try to use my work hours against me to. Has anyone been in this situation?

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We have shared custody of the kids. Neither pays child support because our incomes are about equal and we each are responsible for equal amounts of expenses during the week. Example: I pay the health/dental insurane and school lunches and he pays the sitter.
We both live in the same school district. He lives less than a mile away. The kids are usually end up here after school every day.
Yes it's the law that when there is a move the other parent has to give notice of said move. I think it's a month, I'm not sure. And I have no idea how he could prove I'm an unfit mother. I don't beat them, I provide food, clothing, and shelter and I lead a clean lifestyle (no drugs or alcohol) and I don't have a parade of men coming into the home.
45 minutes away doesn't seem that far to me. My ex moved about an hour away and it really isn't any big deal. My DH and I live about 45 minutes away from his son - also really not a big deal.
I couldn't tell if you were the custodial or non-custodial parent from your post. In Indiana if the custodial parent wants to move more than 100 miles away from where they lived during the divorce, they need to notify the courts in advance so a judge can determine whether a change to the visitation schedule will be needed in order to allow the non-custodial parent to maintain a relationship with the kids.
Has he provided all the transportation for visitation in the past? If so, then as long as he is willing to continue with this, the distance shouldn't really affect anything. If you have shared transportation you might want to consider finding a half way point to "swap" the kids so neither one of you has to make the whole trip. But, we make 45 and hour long trips to the kids other parent's houses all the time and it's really not a big deal.
If you guys have joint physical custody obviously you would need to agree upon which school the kids will attend. Unless the new school system is a lot better, it would probably make the most sense to just leave the kids a their current school.
Kristi
Usually in cases like that, the children stay put if one parent moves, and the moving parent could easily end up with less parenting time. Having a two parent household will make zero difference, the schools being better in his new area will only matter if your children go to a failing school and are failing themselves, him living in a bigger house won't matter, and it would be very very unlikely he could move the children without your express permission. If he did file with the courts to move and take the children with him, you may want to get a lawyer to represent you, but your chances would be very good that the judge would tell him to offer a new custody arrangment and then you'd end up with MORE parenting time if he was farther away.
I have 50/50 and it would be very hard to argue to a judge that I could move dd away from her father, reduce his parenting time and that would be in dd's best interests. Of course, any parent is allowed to move away and leave the children behind, and some do that. You can't stop him from moving, but he won't be able to take the children with him in cases like this (now if he had full custody already, that would be a different story, in that case he would have more of a chance but it would still be an uphill battle and could easily take years to resolve in the courts).
The key is if he notifies you or the court, you will have to file your objection within that 30 days. That will stop him from moving and taking the children with him.
See that's the thing. They can't go to their own school if he decides he wants to take them. He doesn't have primary custody of the kids. We share custody. I have kept the family home so I guess I have primary residency.
My feeling is that if he wants to move then he should be the one to suffer. I'm not giving up custody and only seeing me kids on weekends and I love the school system they are in. I'm researching that school district now and plan on using that info when/if we have to go to court.
>>>We share custody. I have kept the family home so I guess I have primary residency.<<<
It's the amount of parenting time, not who lives in the family home, that determines if one parent has primary residency. I have 50/50 and in my case neither of us is primary.
>>>See that's the thing. They can't go to their own school if he decides he wants to take them.<<<
I don't think she realized you have shared custody. 45 minutes away is fine for weekend parenting time or one night per week, but if you both take the kids to school and pick them up, it would be really hard to live 45 minutes away.
I really think you have nothing to worry about, and there is a big chance he knows he can't move them with him and would never try, and if he does try, you will have plenty of time to get together a plan and keep him from doing that.
Check with a lawyer, hon, but usually the courts won't take away shared custody unless the kids' lives are at stake more or less. If he has primary custody (I don't remember what your situation is) then he could move and switch schools. But for you to lose custody, there's no reason for it. And a live in or new spouse doesn't constitute a two-parent family. A stepmother is not the child's parent. You are.
I'm looking at similar possibilities myself. My kids' father is living with his new person on the days the kids are with him and she lives at a distance. If he wants to move in with her, I say fine. But the kids are still going to stay with me five days a week, go to school in my district, and he'll do any extra driving. He can change his circumstances and to an acceptable extent theirs, but he can't put me out or uproot them.
Again, talk to a lawyer if you can, just to reassure yourself. But it looks good for you. Take care.
Well yes I could say how nice it is that he's close by and how easy it is for the kids, but the fact is he's got a new GF and is getting laid so life is good for him. LOL LOL.
Actually I don't care if he moves, I think it would be easier because we can't really get along right now. My mother could help me with the kids after school on my work days and he could have them every other weekend and school vacations. I actually like that idea because then I'd have my "me" time completely. Right now he's close by so the kids just wander back here on his weekends when they get bored.
I've done my research and the school district in our town is far superior to that other school district.
Anyhow, I'm jumping the gun here anyway. I probably have nothing to worry about.
Wait a minute!..... that "two parent home" thing is BULL in divorce..... YOU are just as equal of a parent as he is.... your children ONLY have TWO parents... end of discussion!
Normally..... the best situation for the kids is the most stable one... the one where they don't have to move or change schools.
Be the best mom that you are..... and think positive.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
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