Am I being unrealistic
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 05-11-2007 - 9:15pm |
My stbx and I had a settlement conference scheduled for the end of april, court documents stated that we had to be there and that a telephone appearance was not acceptable. So I pack up the kids and drive 700 miles (we have moved since the divorce was filed) so that I would not be in violation of the court order. Stbx who actually lives 1200 miles from where the divorce is filed (long story) does not come according to his lawyer he was "available by phone". I sit in the courthouse hallway for 2 hours while the lawyers meet with the judge. My lawyer comes out and this is what has been decided and how the judge is going to rule: he wants 8 weeks every summer so he will get it, we will alternate spring breaks (he wanted all of them) and he gets a week at christmas break (7 out of 10 days). I was so angry at my lawyer that I told her I needed some time to think about this. I came home and started to think, why does it seem like I am being penalized? His statements that his lawyer prepared for the court were full of outright lies that I can prove, he moved 1200 miles away a year before I filed for divorce, when I moved we actually moved closer to him. And yet the judge is going to give him everything he asks for including reviewing the support again even though he didn't sign the temporary order until February (it took him 5 months after it was drawn up). He wants my mileage reimbursement included as income and I get absolutely no credit for emptying my trust fund (established before our marrige from my grandmother) to make a down payment on our home. He however gets credit for everything and I feel as though the judge is trying to punish me for moving my family when the move was the only way to keep my head above water by taking a promotion and pay raise.
Am I nuts to think that christmas breaks should be alternated along with Thanksgiving, my lawyer says I should be happy because I will get every thanksgiving, memorial day and labor day because of their school schedules. She says there is no way to require him to take the kids to church (we are both the same religion) for the Christmas' that he has or the Easter's and that he refuses to have anything in writing about paying for college or wedding expenses. I know it is silly but I get no opportunity to take the kids on vacation without them missing school, well except every other year for spring break.
Am I nuts? Am I unrealistic?

No you are not being unrealistic. That is a rediculous schedule. I would argue that you should share the christmas holiday. This schedule will rob your children from getting to build family memories and traditions with BOTH sides of their extended family. Maybe you can have the schedule written that every other year you exchange the kids on the day after christmas so he would still get the bulk of the winter recess but you could also have an opportunity to share your traditions with the kids. Also, you must demand a two week vacation clause. My husband has a clause like this that states with 30 days notice and providing the details of the trip, phone numbers, destination info, etc he can take the children for vacation without his ex's approval. This would ensure your ability to also have summer camping trips, or family outings, etc...
I understand the courts wanting to give him significant visitation time during the only time they can, when the kids are off from school. But you need to assert your parental right and the children's need to also get vacation and holiday time with their mother. I strongly urge you to argue for this...maybe even write something up to the judge or have your family members write about your family traditions...this schedule would really destroy your children's ability to build those long lasting memories which are so important.
I'm so sorry your dealing with this...good luck!