Am I better?
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Am I better?
| Sat, 01-27-2007 - 4:10am |
OK for a replay my stbx filed for divorce in fact I think it will be final in a little over a week. He is in love with a woman from 30 years ago.
I have been ranting raving freaking out crying uncontrollably and all that stuff for 2 months now. EVERY cotton pickin day! But today I did not say one word to him and we were both working from home today (cant afford two places yet) I didnt mention the affair or the divorce or anything. I didnt run the OW down at all. Didnt even bring it up. I didnt blast him about anything.
I just sort of dont feel much of anything about it right now. I have been reading positive affirmations and I have them taped all around my monitor. I will be honest and tell you I thought about her quite a bit but I think that is cause I sent her some emails telling her what I thought and had been checking to see if she was woman enough to reply. I think they have gone underground and being very careful so her husband doesnt find out. Anyway I think that is the only reason I started thinking about her. and yes I did think about what she looks like, how she could be so evil and spose to be a woman of God. What they would be like in their relationship etc etc. But I didnt say anything. I think the thoughts just came in automatically but it didnt seem worth even opening my mouth about. so I think it has lost some of its power.
I feel more powerful today. Yes I think my Power is coming back. I am responsible for my own happiness and I feel more responsible for the control of my feelings over this issue. its my opportunity to minimize this whole thing and live each day with happiness and power and self confidenct. I am wondering if emailing her helped me exorcise this from my soul.
I cant believe just unemotional I am all the sudden. and thinking about my future!!
I have been ranting raving freaking out crying uncontrollably and all that stuff for 2 months now. EVERY cotton pickin day! But today I did not say one word to him and we were both working from home today (cant afford two places yet) I didnt mention the affair or the divorce or anything. I didnt run the OW down at all. Didnt even bring it up. I didnt blast him about anything.
I just sort of dont feel much of anything about it right now. I have been reading positive affirmations and I have them taped all around my monitor. I will be honest and tell you I thought about her quite a bit but I think that is cause I sent her some emails telling her what I thought and had been checking to see if she was woman enough to reply. I think they have gone underground and being very careful so her husband doesnt find out. Anyway I think that is the only reason I started thinking about her. and yes I did think about what she looks like, how she could be so evil and spose to be a woman of God. What they would be like in their relationship etc etc. But I didnt say anything. I think the thoughts just came in automatically but it didnt seem worth even opening my mouth about. so I think it has lost some of its power.
I feel more powerful today. Yes I think my Power is coming back. I am responsible for my own happiness and I feel more responsible for the control of my feelings over this issue. its my opportunity to minimize this whole thing and live each day with happiness and power and self confidenct. I am wondering if emailing her helped me exorcise this from my soul.
I cant believe just unemotional I am all the sudden. and thinking about my future!!

I've been there.
talk about crazy
She called him and told him I sent emails. She wasnt woman enough to reply to my emails but she told him after reading them that she is not fully responsible for our break up.
She also told him she had sent him a picture of their child .....after she was born and so now my stbx asked me If I had gotten it and thrown it away. OMG I would never so something like that. I love him and would love any of his babies to pieces. I think she said that to make me look bad. Besides if she had sent it and we did move alot .....she could not have put a return address or her husband could get it. My stbx had told me many years ago that she had sent a letter letting him know he had a daughter andhe got that one.......hmm maybe she accidently forgot to put the picture in. I think she is lying to him to make me look bad. Oh and she told him I sure was vengeful.OH and do you know what else she told him? she said she didnt think what she did was wrong ...........she was only planning her life. oh PUKE! That is the first time in my life I have ever heard of adultery being the same as simply "Planning My Life"
She needs to pack her bags, tell her husband and stop living a lie to cover her bu** in front of her church.
I know he should probably go now not in a few weeks. I am thinking if I want to push this in spite of the lack of money.
thanks you guys for being here for me!
Wow I look at your beautiful little girl and wonder what kind of man could walk away from his wife and his beautiful daughter for a skank?
It just blows my mind what some men do! Makes me wonder if I ever want another one EVER!
You know I used to look at her and wonder the same thing.
Oh Lisa thanks so much! Thank you telling me about your freak outs. I was beginning to think they might put me away .........yikes! I have had some chest pains and so has my stbx. I just have got to stop this soon!
its the craziest thing that has ever happened to me. I loved the quotes you posted! My favorite is the ...........
"Watching you walk away and out of my life hasn't made me bitter or cynical about love, but rather, it has shown me that if I wanted so badly to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along"
isnt that wonderful and positive? wow if we can love someone who was bad for us look how wonderful and committed we will be when the right person comes along. Yowzie!
I found some statements about the joy of single life and printed them out. cant remember what thread or board they were on but I hung them up . I have so many quotes and sayings and affirmations stuck to my monitor this looks like a psychologists office!
But I need it. It isnt easy to be psyched up to grow old with person then whammy right in the kisser comes this other woman who runs off with him......emotionally at least.
But the kicker for me is I wasnt happy in my marriage. So I honestly think once I adjust to the idea of being alone and thinking of all the time alone I will have to work on my arts n crafts and do the things I want to do. I do like my solitude so this shouldnt be all that bad for me. Oh I am sure I will cry knowing he is not coming back here. Maybe I can find a guy to flirt with online. I dont think I ever want to get married again. maybe just boyfriend who takes me to dinnner have some romance and send him home. After reading all these boards I wonder if it isnt a rare occasion to find a non dysfunctional man?
Here is another one though you may have heard it on this board:
"The Grass Is Always Greener On The Other Side But It Still Has To Be Mowed."
I dont wish my ex bad things. But I do wonder what their life will be like if she ever does leave her husband and they have to face the grind of daily life? I would not want to start a new relationship that was an affair where other people were hurt over it. no way. What a lousy way to start a love relatinship, tainted with the pain of others.!
I work nights alot so I have been up all night. Didnt get hardely any work done but perhaps I have healed more and if that is all I do than that is still good! As long as I get money coming in soon LOL
Have a great day all of you on this board and I will be back soon!
Cheryl