Am I Crazy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Am I Crazy
5
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 5:17pm
Hi All,
Ive been through the lowest of the lows w/my ex for the past yr. He has put me through horrible times w/custody, parenting issues, police, court and lawyer costs, you name it this man has done it. He remarried a yr ago and now is telling me that he is getting a divorce, here he goes again. He has not fought me on anything regarding my child since this happened and seems to be really depressed and out of sorts to say. I think I am crazy because I actually feel remorse for him, I feel bad that he is at the same stage I was at when he left me. He seems to want to get along now more than ever and hopes that we will be able to co parent our child effectively. Im confused, because its like Ive just thrown everything he has ever done to me out the window and want to start fresh w/this new co parenting venture. Am I crazy for trusting?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: melrose02
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 5:40pm

melrose02...

PG may be WAAAAY OFF BASE, but it sounds like your EX husband is looking for an understanding 'soulmate?' And who would fit the bill better than YOU?

Men often turn to an EX/GF or EX/SPOUSE when their current relationship or marriage is headed for the basement!

So it's entirely up to you if you want to try and get your EX out of the cellar...or just let him 'suffer!' But if you're gonna commiserate with one another...it's a good idea to focus on co-parenting. Don't expect the possibility of getting "reunited" with each other to happen..........okay???

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
In reply to: melrose02
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 7:01pm
Having empathy isn't crazy, it's wonderful. If everyone in the world were mature and loving enough to have empathy for those who have wronged them, the world would be a much better place. Do not disparage yourself for being a good person. But I do agree with pianoguy, don't let the empathy be misconstrued and step outside of whatever boundaries you need to keep yourself safe.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2006
In reply to: melrose02
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 8:34pm
I just wanted to take a minute to commend you. I too, am in the midst of a divorce but mine is only beginning. My husband and I were married 11 years this past summer and I found out in February that he has been having an affair for the past 3 years. In spite of all the mess that he has created, he has played all sorts of games and tried everything to break my spirit all because I no longer desire to be married to him. I like you have just allowed him to act like a complete jackass and don't even have the desire to retailiate. I am a strong believer in what goes around comes around. I am unflappable and it just pisses him off to no end. Yes, it is stressful at times and sometimes I just can't believe the crap he does but I know that in the end, I will be fine and he is going to get everything that is coming to him and more. I say all this to say that your ex is getting exactly what he deserves. I too often feel remorse but that is because I like you have a heart and don't wish bad on another person. I think you should try to have a friendship with him for the sake of your child but with limits. And be careful in trusting him too much because he's already proven that he can't be trusted and how he will act when/if things don't go his way. Your child will always remember looking back that mommy handled things the right way, in spite of how daddy acted. Children know more than we give them credit for but they are always watching us. I wish you the very best and pray that you will have more happiness than you can hold. Stay strong and just be careful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: melrose02
Fri, 10-20-2006 - 11:10am
Thank you all for your words of encouragement. Its nice to know there is a place to go where people understand your issues and are there to lend their support. I'll keep on trucking and hopefully will be able to co-parent effectively w/my ex someday.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2006
In reply to: melrose02
Fri, 10-20-2006 - 6:59pm
You are so very welcome. I know its hard and it appears that you've been dealing with this longer than I have since I'm not divorced yet but some of the things you've mentioned are already happening with me and my soon to be ex. My heart just breaks for you and well as any woman that goes through this and I will be praying for you and your child. I wish you the very best.