am I crazy to want out?
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am I crazy to want out?
| Tue, 08-29-2006 - 12:11am |
I have been married for 18 years this October. My husband has not had sex with me in over 8 years and has not kissed me or touched me in about 5 years. He does not know how to communicate at all and when I talk to him, he just sits there, and clams up. He says nothing. I have to make all the family decisions and handle life problems on my own. I take care of all the issues with the kids myself. Yet, when I tell him that obviously he must not want to be married to me anymore, he looks at me like I am crazy!!! I don't get it. Can someone please tell me what is going on here?? I am thinking he is not happy and just wants out, yet, he denies it and says "I wish things were better....." blah blah blah. Please help..... I feel like I am going crazy. We already sleep in separate beds, and I have told him that after the first of the year, I want a divorce. I am SO LONELY I THINK I AM GOING CRAZY!! Advice, anyone??????

I think perhaps men need specifics. Have you been direct and non-confrontational with him? My XH and I were in counseling and I told him I wanted a better relationship, but at first I couldn't tell him what I needed to make it better. I finally realized that I needed him to treat me with respect. I needed him to engage me in conversation. I needed him to have a physical relationship with me, but I figured that if the respect and conversation fell into place, so would the sex. Alas, it didn't.
But I feel good about what happened. I told him what I wanted and needed in specifics, not generalities. "You obviously don't want to be married to me anymore" is too general! Make a list ( I need you to hold my hand. I need you to kiss me. I need you to do laundry once a week....) and present it to him in a calm manner. If you can't do this without help, I suggest finding a counselor to help you through.
Good luck!
~calla~ mom to rosie and gracie
hugss.... you are not crazy. you are living a very difficult life right now. i was just wondering a few things:
you say that the no sex thing started about 8 years ago. up till that time, did you enjoy a healthy normal sex life? did something happen aroudn that time, that might have had an effect on your husband? job change, medical issues, medications, death in the family, move?
i am not a doctor, but it sounds like your husband is suffereing from depression. has he been diagnosed with that? is he on any medication
meanwhile, huge hugs...
You already live separate life's, you are right now his maid, his personal assistant and